heartbreak hotel ▻ cameron boyce [2] ✓

fifteen ☆ crushed spirit

♡

[ "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." — Psalm 34:18 ]

♡

Cam,

It's now been a few days and this still doesn't feel real, none of it does. The fact that you're no longer here baffles me beyond anything else; but God took you back home because He had to. I won't remember you as another person who suffered from any sort of pain but I will remember you for everything else about you. Two years ago, I met and fell in love with you; quickly falling for your personality, wit, laugh and smile, and everything else about you. It feels like just yesterday I was hugging you for the first time. Never in my life did I imagine myself falling for you and then, in the blink of an eye, losing you. This hurts like nothing else has ever wounded me. I loved you with all my being; more than is fathomable, expressible, and known for any human being to love another. But you, Cameron, meant—mean—everything to me and those who knew you. In the big and small moments, I loved you and you loved me. To us, our love was both earthly and unearthly, heavenly and eternal and it will remain as such. From the first moment that I laid eyes on you, I loved you; from your laugh, humor, and your infectious smile. I remember the first time you told me that you loved me and I always will. The way you would look at me while on the set of Descendants 3 (whenever you invited me to visit) and smile as you whispered, "Brenna might act as Jane but you'll always be the Jane to my Carlos." will always be entrained in my mind. You said I reminded you of Jasmine so I called you Aladdin, which prompted you to call me princess; and we even had the inside joke of Grace being Genie. I know that Genie traditionally grants three wishes for his master, but forget three; I just want one granted. I wish that I had five more minutes with you so that I can tell you how much you truly meant to me and that I love you. This just hurts too much. Everyone says that revenge is a double-edged sword and if it is, then so is death. Death doesn't just pierce its victim but it also pierces those associated with its victim. Yours has pierced everyone that knew you and I'm no different than the others. It's cut me so deep that each time I think of you, reminisce over our moments together or anything of the sort, my heart clenches tightly and I can feel it shatter; but it shatters everyday. Truthfully, I feel empty without you. Even though I feel this way, it sometimes feels like you're right beside me, holding my hand and attempting to reassure me that I'll be okay. And I know that I'll be okay...someday. For now, I'm simply wounded and broken by this. You didn't deserve to be taken and there's a reason why you were but you lived your life and I'm grateful that you got the chance to do so. Rest peacefully, mi amor. You've been given your wings so go ahead and fly high in the presence of your Creator. I miss you. I'll see you soon. I love you for eternity.

Yours,

M