Summer in November (B×B)

S.I.N+1

W
Wh
Who
Who???

Who would have thought that being a teenager of the LGBTQ+ community could be so god damn hard!!!

Whoa.

Don't get me wrong. Sometimes it is comforting knowing that you're different.

But..

It's not so comforting when the whole world knows and you get judged about it. On the real tho, it's really

Annoying!

Signed jacob muah~
June 12th, 2020

Closing my diary I get up from reflecting my thoughts about myself onto paper, and hop onto my phone going on social media.

Yes. I have social media and I post losts of pictures. Most of them having the LGBTQ+ flag in each caption.

I don't know why, but that's just a step for me to accept that I am different than others.

Mostly guys. Allow me to explain....

I am 17 years of age and I have the name of a guy, and the face of a guy.

However, my body is different. I'm what you call an intersex. I have an vagina and eggs to go with. I can get pregnant. I do get my period monthly. There's really not much else to say.

But! I do have curves and an females voice. No, you can't really see my "Adam's apple". So what does that lead me to do...

I dress like a girl.
And...
I find males attractive.

And just for that, society judges me. Although, some people think that is cool. But it's not enough for me.

It's so bad to the point where they call me a Bitchboy at school.

But on social media, Its another world. I receive love and support AND hate.

Its complicated but I'll survive.

Laughing at cardi b and offsets antics, I exit out of the app.

See, I want love but it has to feel natural to me, almost as raw as it can get. You know?

That kind of love that even though it's a cold day outside, when you're with that person you love, it feels like a hot summer's day and you're just chilling, loving the heat.

That kind of love.

Lovers and bestfriends type of shit!

Remy ma and papoose or beyonce and Jay-Z.

When I get a man, I wanna be the macaroni to his cheese or the peanutbutter to his jelly.

Now I'm hungry...

Great.

Shaking away from my thoughts... I grab my wallet and car keys since I already had my phone in hand.

I walk pass my mirror to see if my outfit is up to par. Because sometimes I just throw on anything.