Tick tock

*~15~*

            Let's see... it's been at least
three days since Halloween, so... it's the third of November, I guess.

I sat in the corner of my room, using a red marker to put another tally mark to count the days in my sketchbook.

After I saw Jack and Toby in the woods... I decided to just stay inside.

Of course Natalie was confused about why I suddenly changed my attitude so quickly about 'enjoying' the outdoors and of course... I made a lame excuse.

I'm fully aware that I'm acting dumb as hell right now, not telling Natalie about Toby and Jack;
but if I did tell her... I would have to tell her about me talking to Toby.

I know that I probably should tell her about that too but... with how it's going between me and Natalie... I don't want to.

Things are going great with her... I actually feel happy... which is odd for someone like me.
It actually feels like I have a friend.
I've never really realized how
much I was craving affection
until Natalie.

To be honest I... I just wanted to be loved my whole life and never really realized it.

My parents don't care about me...
my sister doesn't even care about me...
if they truly did... I wouldn't be here.
Natalie was the only person that has
treated me like an actual human being with actual emotions... and I was not going to give that up.

I mean, sure, I will admit I am being a little selfish... but I don't care.
With the shit I've been through... I deserve something good in my life.

I placed my book and my marker down on the wooden floor; quickly getting to my feet.
Breathing a deep sigh, I mustered up the strength to leave my room.

My head droops low and my gaze stays locked on the floor.
I didn't really know where I was going... I didn't really care that much either.
I feel a hand roughly grab my arm and I look up to see Natalie; her emerald eyes burning into mine.

I averted the eye contact, somewhat feeling uncomfortable.

"Dude, you okay?" She asked, almost sounding concerned.

"No. I'm not fine! I've never fine!
I don't feel comfortable!
I'm lying to you by acting like everything's alright when it truly isn't!
Natalie... I spoke to this guy, named Toby.
He said he was going to hurt me!"

I paused, breathing in deeply.

"Then I saw him and Jack outside the cabin!
I... I would've told you... but I got worried that you were going to be mad cause originally I decided not to.
I don't want to lose you!
You're the only one who's ever acted like they truly cared about me...
I'm sorry."

"Dude... why aren't you answering me? Jamie, are you okay? Snap out of it!" She yanked on my arm, causing me to jerk out of my thoughts.

Wait... so I didn't tell her how I felt?

My eyes uncontrollably dart around the hallway as I think about whether I should tell her the truth... as I rehearsed in my head; or to lie... again.

I exhaled shakily.

"I'm... I'm fine." I lied, faking a smile weakly.

Natalie narrowed her stern eyes, her face turning cold as ice while she let go of my arm and folded her's over her chest.

Shit she got me.

"I know you're hiding something but I won't bother you on it.
One way or another you'll come up to me and say 'Natalie! You were right all along! There is something
wrong with me but my dumb ass is just too stubborn to admit it!'
Then, before you know it, we'll be sitting on your bed
for an our discussing our
feelings." 
She ruffled my hair
with a devious smirk plastered onto her face.

"The reason why you're so jumpy... is it tied in with the 'thing' that's bothering you?" Natalie asked blandly.

"Yeah, I guess." I mumbled.

"Ok... hey, can you do me a quick favour? Look into my clock eye and tell me the time." She leaned towards me, roughly grabbing my chin and positioning my face so I look straight at her.

"Really? Whenever I try to do that you get mad and yell at me-"
"Just fucking do it, you little shit!"

I roll my eyes at her sudden outburst.
I'm pretty damn used to it at this point, I guess.

I squint my eyes and look into her blood covered, ticking clock.

"Uh, it's ten thirty-"
"Holy shit! I need to go!" Natalie jerked away from me and ran through the hallway.

"Wait- where are you going?" I called after her; but by the time I did I could already here the slam of the front door overlapping my voice.

A deep sigh escaped my lips and I leaned against a nearby wall.

It was usually like this, she would be in and out... but she would always say sorry by showering me with affection.

It made me always feel... kinda weird inside.
Nonetheless I loved it!
No wonder my sister was always so sickeningly happy.

Even if the attention was from only one person it made me feel like the most happiest person alive...

...and that is all I ever wanted... to be happy.

Soon I will get to have a normal life with Natalie.

One way or another.

I roamed the hallway aimlessly, glancing up from the ground every so often. All the doors, not counting the bathroom and our room, had a red 'x' spray painted on them... signaling for me to not go inside.

There was one door in particular that did stand out from the rest.

It was at the very end of the hallway... hidden in the darkness.

Rusty, broken chains cascaded around the door while visible cobwebs were hung everywhere in an abstract fashion.

Maybe I could just look inside for a quick second...

I cautiously made my way towards the door and shakily moved the chains to the side.
My hand reached out for the rusty doorknob and without difficulty...
I swung the door open.

I shouldn't be doing this.

I put one foot in front of the other and made my way into the pitch black room.

Stop it.

Distant ticking could be heard, coming from all different directions.

My hand grazed the walls and landed on something that felt like a switch.
I took in a raspy, shallow breath and quickly pressed down on the switch.

As light suddenly floods the room my eyes widen and my mouth fell open in complete horror.

What the actual fuck!