Timeline: a Wings of Fire fanfiction (COMPLETED)

12.

Clearsight

I'm walking along the beach. When it happens.
It's been a normal-ish day, to be honest. We went to work. Queen Vigilance dumped a load of work on us that I'll probably have to be up all night to complete by the deadline or something. I used to argue with her about that, but I don't anymore. After all, it's not like it actually works. When Queen Vigilance asks for something, the easiest thing you can do is deliver it as fast as you can.

Darkstalker wasn't too bad today, I think. But it's hard to tell. I'm trying not to ask too many questions, even though I want to. Even though I still miss him.

And then it slips over me. I stop dead in my tracks, touching my talons to my stomach.

This can't be happening.

What's happening?

My breathing starts to come on faster, and faster, and faster. My knees buckle, sending me collapsing onto the sand.

And then the visions pull me in.

***

My eyes flicker open. It's normally not that bad—not like losing control of myself completely or something.

Raindrops brush down my spine. It's too cold to be outside, really.

I push myself gingerly up to my feet. I swear, I'm shaking.

Just find somewhere dry. Then go from there.

I take a deep breath.

Just get somewhere dry. And then we'll put ourselves together.

***

I play out this conversation in my head.

Darkstalker, we're going to be parents, but I think--

The waves crash against the shoreline.

Darkstalker, I'm with an egg, and--

I'm not ready for this to be happening. I wrap my wings around myself. The visions won't stop whipping through my head.

Water dribbles, off the roof of the cave, down my spine and tail.

I didn't think this would happen--

There's an ocean, slowly rising, from my stomach up.  I'm going to drown in it.

Darkstalker... I think...

I press my talon to my stomach instinctively. She doesn't deserve this.

She doesn't deserve any of this.

Doesn't deserve an anxious wreck of a mother and a father who's still grieving something he doesn't know how to grieve in the first place. Doesn't deserve...

She's just a child.

The futures flicker through my head, a little more peaceful than the first wave. Or, just by a little bit, anyway.

A small dragon with a smile just like her father's.

The same small dragon, curled up under my wing as I read her a story before she goes to sleep.

That small dragon growing up. Learning to read for herself and fly without needing us to help.

My talons clench protectively.

I'm someone's mom. Maybe I wasn't expecting this. But I'm her mom. There's a little dragon who completely depends on me right now.

I can't let her down.

***

I can't wait to tell him. If I wait to tell him, it's only going to get harder from here. And then he'll feel betrayed. If I wait, it could ruin... a lot of things. Or maybe I'm just being dramatic. I'm so burnt out from all the work the queen's been dumping on me, most of the time, it's hard to even think clearly.

"Darkstalker?" He's in the kitchen, washing dishes, eyes glazed over a little bit.

"What?" He doesn't sound hostile, but he doesn't sound friendly, either. I wonder if he slept at all last night. Probably not.

"We... need to talk."

"I told you Clearsight. I don't want to talk about my father." His voice goes cold, barren like a forest in winter.

"It's not like that. It's... it's..." My eyes glisten with tears. I wipe them away as fast as I can, squaring my shoulders. "I'm with egg."

His mouth drops open. "Wait, what? How do you know? How long--when--what--is it a boy or a girl--?"

He spins a lever, turning off the steady flow of water, and dropping one of our wooden bowls in the sink, still covered in soap, rushing toward me. And that's when I realize--he's happy.

The happiest I've seen him since his father died, really.

He throws his wings around me, pulling me into his chest.

"We're going to be parents!"

"It's not... that..."

"You'll be someone's mom, Clearsight."

"And it's not that simple! You're a complete mess right now, and I spend most of the day working, and don't even get me started on how Queen Vigilance will react to this--"

"And we'll be parents."

He sounds so convinced. That it's really all going to be all right.

You don't understand, whispers a small voice, nestled deep in the back of my head.

But he sounds so bright. And if I'm being totally honest... I can't bare to ruin that.

So rather than telling him about my visions, I just say, "I'm scared." Like that's actually going to explain anything about why I'm so terrified of this.

"It'll be okay," Darkstalker whispers, leaning into my shoulder. "It'll be okay. You're going to be an amazing mom, Clearsight."

"How can you say that? I'm a mess."

"You're my mess, though."

"You sap," I snort, nudging him with my elbow.

"I love you," Darkstalker whispers. "I love you. I love you. I love you."

I don't want to cry. I'm tired of always being the one who cries.

Moons, Clearsight. Please don't cry.

But a single, warm, tear dribbles down my cheek and along my neck, regardless.

"I love you," I whisper back.

And for a second, in his wings, I can pretend.