sunny mornings

2:59 pm

2:59 pm / july 8

and as i waited for my
food to arrive, i thought
about how much this
would affect my body,
i stood on the scale
and watched as numbers
kept going up and up
i deeply sighed, wiping
the stray tears that
unknowingly fell

i wanted to call them
back and cancel the order
but i shook my head, saying
"i'm being ridiculous, i can't
starve myself to death"

i sat in my favorite chair
and my thighs mushed
together, i felt as if
i would break it any second
like sweet goldilocks did
to little bear chair. he cried
that day and i feared i would
let those unwanted tears down

i wanted to sit on the floor
and throw away my
favorite chair
but i shook my head, saying
"i'm being ridiculous, i can't
trash my love"

how ridiculous would i be
if i didn't care about death and
love? how ridiculous would i be
if i only cared about what would
make me pretty and how i'll do
whatever it took to make me
that way?

pretty hurts, beyoncé sung,
i learned it the hard way

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