Anxiety - It'll Eat You Alive

I Haven't Written in a Long Time OMG

Anxiety can be really consuming. And be really sucky. Depression on top of that shit? Absolutely horrific.

If there is anyone left reading any of the books I have, and if you read this, I hope you know I'm sorry I haven't updated in literally years for some of my stories. I started writing stories in middle school, when I learned about this app in a creative writing workshop during career day. I loved writing. I still do, but it's become much harder. I've graduated high school, and am getting ready to get out in th world.

I remember when I wrote my first fanfic, I didn't think it would get so many reads. I was so happy when people would comment on my story. My original stories never got too much attention, but it still made me happy when people did read them.

I felt like I had an outlet. I enjoy writing a lot. It made me happy when other people enjoyed it. I miss it, but I know that if I tried to commit to it, it wouldn't work out. I don't want to disappoint anyone.

I am grateful for this platform. It was a source of happiness, a haven from the darkness. I've suffered from anxiety and depression for a long time, and have gone back and forth with getting better and getting worse.

I got professional help for the first time in my junior year of high school, when one of my college program instructors (I was in a high school college program) had asked me why I had seemed to be off, and struggled a lot with simple assignments.

I broke down, stressed from work and stuff that was going on with my family. It was a really low point in my life. She suggested I look for counseling, and said she could help contact the therapy center at the college.

I don't think I would have gone very far that year if she hadn't done that for me. I thought it was very kind.

And just as a side note, I hope whomever is reading this, just know that if you are struggling with anything, not just anxiety or depression, you are not alone. You are loved and you matter.

Sometimes, things will feel like they will never work out. It feels like the end of the world. And you want to think it could never get better. That everyone who told you it would get better was lying.

I promise with all my heart that it will get better if you just stick through it. Find help, from someone you trust. If you are afraid, consider asking someone at school for help, or at your college. Look for a therapy group in your area if private therapy is intimidating.

And you don't have to go to therapy right away. Start with baby steps if you are afraid. Download a meditation and calming app. Go out for a walk. Do something you love. Try to seek happiness in little things. I know help can seem intimidating, and I understand that sometimes you want to wait until you are ready.

Remember to take care of yourself.

Your feelings are valid. It took me a long time to realize that, yes, I know there are people out there that have it worse, but that doesn't make my feelings any less real.

Some people are more resilient than others, and I know that sounds bad and selfish, but you should acknowledge that your feelings do matter. Your sadness, your stress, your hurt. It's all real. It matters.

Also remember to treat people with respect, though. If you ask them for help, please try to work with them. If they make an effort to understand you, please try to help them. They only want the best for you.

This little chapter of sorts is more like a rambling of my thoughts and updates on my life, I suppose.

My anxiety is not great right now. But I just have to believe it'll get better. Sometimes we just have to work through the struggles to reach success.

Sorry I haven't updated my books in so long. I can't make any promises that I'll write anything soon, but hopefully I can update and/or complete a few things.

I believe in you.

Stay strong <3