More Than Friends?

Coming out to Tom

I was done with it all. Done living this lie, done pretending that the reason I didnt like church or want to serve the mission was because I was sick or depressed (the LDS church is not very accepting of the LGBT community) done going on dates with girls that I knew i wouldn't have a romantic future with. But i couldnt come out to my family. I still didnt make enough at the fast food place i was working at even though they had promoted me to a shift manager. I couldnt afford an apartment if they kicked me out like I knew they would. I already got yelled at almost daily for the little things they saw as wrong. If I came out to them whew, goodbye any positive family relations I had before. But there was someone I could come out to. Someone who I knew would accept me. Tom. I wouldn't tell him about my feelings just yet. Maybe joke about us going out like I joked about being gay to see how he responds. Yeah, that would work.
The day started like any other day. I woke at 6 am, went to my math class at the community college I was attending, then I went to work. I was super distracted and got yelled at by one of the other managers for bot working fast enough. I didnt care though, I was so nervous and was trying to prepare for the worse. Trying to imagine the disgusted look Tom would give me when I told him. Trying to imagine the hurtful things he would say. And then trying to remember what he had said about gay rights and such. Trying to remember that he was supportive of it and even if it did mess with our friendship we would still get along. 5 o'clock hit and I was outta there. I worked shorter shifts on mondays so I could go hang out with Tom after game night. He worked at his uncles game shop and Monday they held D&D, Tom wasn't super into RPGs but I would play magic and stuff with him after words. Usually they closed, we would go grab some food from a fast food place or something then we'd come back to his uncles shop and hang out there till super late into the night before we would both head home. It was a little awkward to be just us when I came out but I'd rather have a private conversation than do it at a restaurant or in front of fellow gamers that I kind of knew.
I got to the shop and walked in, super nervous still. I went and said hi to Tom before joining the table for D&D. The game went by super quickly and I realized I had been almost silent for the whole game. I had kind of been staring off into space and maybe Tom caught me looking at him a few times but i dont think he suspected anything. The game was over and i said goodbye to everyone.
"What do you want to eat?"Tom asked me as he locked the door behind us.
"I dunno wherever." I answered as we walked to his truck. It was easier for him to just drive us because I rode a motorcycle and couldnt really take two people and food on it easily.
"Burritos sound good?"he asked as he started the truck.
"Yeah sure" we went to a local Mexican restaurant. I order a burrito and he got some super nachos. We laughed and told jokes on the way back and we went in and ate as we played a few rounds of magic. Just like every other week.
"Hey, uh, "I started awkwardly. He raised an eyebrow at me as he took another chip full of beans and guacamole and ate it.
"I have something i need to tell you, something kinda really important." I tried making eye contact but it was really difficult.
"Whatd you do? Get a girl pregnant or something?" He joked. Oh how I wished it was that.
"No, uh, well um." I tried to remember the words I had practiced over and over in my head in the past couple of days but they were no where to be found.
"What's wrong man?" He looked at me very concerned.
"No no nothing's wrong it's just uh ..I'm gay." I said the last two words so quietly and quickly Tom didnt hear them.
"You want now?" He asked in a mocking tone now that he knew nothing was wrong.
"I'm gay." I repeated, almost at a shout in my nervousness. I had looked right at him as I said it and after a moment of silent I broke eye contact. I could feel the blood rushing to my face, the heat in my cheeks as my face turned bright red. After a another century long moment of silence I repeated myself again.
"I'm gay" I nodded my head as if to answer the are you serious question that I knew was coming. I looked back at Tom. He just stared at me his mouth open slightly in shock. The chip he was holding broke and beans and ground meat fell all over the floor.
"Uh, you're spilling"i said nodding at his hand. He blinked and grabbed a napkin to clean up the mess. Clearly trying to stall to process what I had just said. Every second felt like years of silence. Once he had gotten all the spilled food off the ground he threw away the napkin and sat back down. Looking down at the table, at our game but I knew that wasn't what he was focused on.
"I, uh, i"he looked back and forth as he struggled to find words. I swallowed hard my mouth had suddenly become dry as I prepared for his anger, his disgust, but it never came.
"I thought so." He said with a small smile as he finally looked back up at me.
"Oh, no." I thought. "He knew, I was right, he knew I had feelings for him and was trying to let me down easy, what have I done?" Thousands of more concerns and questions raced through my head but Tom broke my internal spiral.
"I mean what kind of straight guy sends his friends that many gay memes?"he said jokingly. My mouth fell open. A whole new list of self deprecating thoughts appeared until I remembered one very important thing.
"But you sent me gay memes too."