The world gets scarier to me as days pass by. The air fills my lungs like a disease as it spreads through my body. Every night when I go to bed I hope I won't have to open my eyes again. I'm tired of trying to push on when my heart is bleeding. I'm scared of what's to come. They ask me all the time aren't you happy to be 18 now and be moving out soon. Just I rather stay in a house I don't feel safe in than to not know what could happen if I fail. I know I'm smart, but can I really be smart enough to make it through a university. What will happen if I lose my job and have no money? HOW AM I SUPPOSSED TO BE STRONG!! They tell me I'll be fine, but what if my demons and nightmares follow me. Meds can only get someone so far till the demons and thoughts crawl back in. I'm a freak by nature with scars on my skin and the ones hidden under the surface. They say I'm different, but what if I'm the wrong type of different. I struggle to be myself lately because I hate myself. How will I make it if I don't even believe in myself? He says he likes me because I'm myself and not fake, but little does he know I'm struggling to not change for the people around me. I wanna be perfect to someone for once. I had a monster I grew up with that shaped my thoughts. His words and actions still weigh heavy on me and I just wanna please one person. He made me who I am. My fear runs off of his hands as they strangle me. He will follow me no matter how fast I run I'll never be free and because of that I'll always fail. I won't make it far by myself. I'm scared to be a adult and be thrown out to the dogs with no one to help. What if my past follows me through my memories and I'm caged once again. I wanna be free and fly like a bird through my life. I need to forget as my scars fade away. The only thing that is stopping me is I'm scared. I'm scared of everything. When will things get easier?? I wish I knew the answers to all my questions that pop up in my life. I'm learning from mistakes and experiences. Just I don't know if I'm ready for the next step in my life. Here I come I guess!
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Little nothings
Random*Maybe triggering * ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ Most likely won't be but some people get triggered by things easy so it's better to be safe than sorry ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ Anyways read if you wanna ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
