Tear in My Heart

To show you how

The next two days flew by like time sped up by a million. The boys did two more shows and of course they were amazing. Tyler tried to have me sing with him but I refused. I worked on writing some more songs a bit but it was hard when I was continuously distracted by the boys and whatever they were doing. 

I spent a lot of one on one time with both of the boys trying to make sure that they both felt the love and felt like a piece of home was with them. They were both terribly homesick plus with Tyler not doing amazing I wanted to be there as much as I could. I never wanted to leave his side, especially when it came to times like this. 

We wandered around the cities like tourists and caught up from all the missed times. Unfortunately, it was time for me to head back home to Ohio. I had tried to stay longer but knew I couldn't miss work or be away from home too long. I hadn't worked for a hot minute due to helping out at the house so the longer I was away, even if I wasn't scheduled, the worse it would look for me.

I was dreading going home and the boys could tell. I hid it pretty well by continuously mentioning how much I dreaded the flight but I think Tyler could tell there was more to it. They always were good at knowing when I was hiding something. How could I tell them I was terrified of what I would face when I got home? I couldn't. 

During my flight, I wrote like crazy and had some really good ideas of songs but didn't know if I'd ever share them with anyone, even the boys who always wanted to hear new stuff.  It's not that I didn't trust them but more because it had been so long since I had shared anything. 

When the plane landed I prepared myself for what I was going to face next. I turned my phone on to two missed calls, a voicemail and a handful of texts from the boys. 

Josh texted me - I hope your flight was amazing, I know how much you love flying ;) Don't be a stranger! Call when you land! 

Tyler texted - Good luck with the flight. Miss you already. 

The calls were both from work. I listen to the voicemail, "Hey Lennox, I was really hoping you would answer but maybe its better this way. We have been extremely grateful for you working with us but as of lately, you have missed quite a lot of work and you have been quite distant. I think its best if we part ways. However, if you ever need a reference I am more than happy to help out. Best of luck in your future endeavors." Shit. 

I got an Uber and headed home not prepared to face the harsh reality of being gone for the weekend, when Josh called. I debated answering it and eventually ignored it, as I felt as though I couldn't be my cheery self right now for him. 

He sent me a text - Hey I don't wanna seem like a stalker but I know your flight just landed and wanted to check in. I totally understand if you don't want to talk right now but could you call at some point tonight? 

After a short ride to the house, I grabbed my bags from the Uber and thanked the driver for the trip. I took a deep breath and headed inside. It was loud already. I could feel my stress levels increasing each step I took into the house.