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It was two hours before Reid pulled himself off the ground and rode with Morgan and JJ back to the FBI building, to collect their bags and go home. He just wanted to disappear into his bed and never get up. Sleep indefinitely.
The car ride there was dead silent, Reid sniffling in the back as the other three in the truck struggled to keep their tears from falling. Reid was the kind of person to hold his tears back until he was alone but this was different. This was devastating. He didn't care that his team saw him cry. He lost the most important person in his life and he wasn't hiding it.
There were so many things they didn't get to do. They didn't get through their movie list. Mara didn't touch the many books that Reid gave her to read. They only celebrated one birthday together. They only knew each other for three hundred and twenty-three days. Not enough time. A lifetime wouldn't be enough for them.
They shared forty-eight coffees together. Only sixteen hot chocolates. There were so many moments they will never be able to share. Reid will never be able to tell her how he really feels. They'll never be able to spend that time together again. He'll never be able to exist without remembering how much he loved her. And how much it will always hurt to remember her.
He couldn't believe it was real. She would never take his hand again. She'll never make stupid jokes that'll make Reid throw his head back in laughter and shake his head.
"Reid?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I ask you something?" Mara asked him, making him set his book down and look up at her.
"You just did."
She chuckled and rolled his eyes. "I'm serious."
"Of course." He chuckled, his full attention on her.
She leaned forward and met his eyes, making a serious face. "Can an FBI agent arrest a police officer that is trying to arrest the FBI agent?"
She'll never make him a cup of coffee and pick on how much sugar he took in it.
"One coffee for Doctor Spencer Reid," Mara said dramatically, leaning down and setting the cup of coffee in front of him. "Four creams and an extra shot of diabetes."
Morgan chuckled from the plane as Reid smiled and thanked her, taking a sip. Mara plopped down in the seat in front of him, drinking hot tea.
"How much sugar do you have in that tea?" Reid smirked at her.
She pulled the mug closer to her and pouted. "None of your business."
She'll never burst into songs at the most random times, making Reid fall harder and harder for her each time.
They were walking down the street, going to the coffee shop as they made a competition to see who could stay up the longest. Even though they had work in the morning, neither of them would ever step down from a competition.
Mara smirked as she suddenly dropped Reid's hand and burst into song. "I'm off the deep end, watch as I dive in-"
"Mara, be quiet!" Reid laughed, pulling her into his chest trying to cover her mouth.
She stopped for a moment, taking in how closer they were together before she smiled. "I'll never meet the ground!"
She pouted and pulled him by his hand down the street. Reid rolled his eyes before belting out a lyric. "Crash through the surface, where they can't hurt us, we're far from the shallow now!"
She laughed loudly and Reid thought life couldn't get any better than how it is right now.
He'd never feel her hand in his again. Her ear against his chest. Her hair between his fingers. Her fingers dancing across his skin. Her lips against his.
Reid watched as JJ and Hotch disappear into his office while his eyes fell to his desk. His eyebrows furrowed at the cardigan thrown across his desk. The same way that Mara wore when she was cold in the coffee shop fifty-six days ago.
He dropped his bag on the floor and picked it up, picturing the way she looked in it, tears burning his eyes. He held it to chest and hugged it tightly, pretending it was her. Hugging her one last time. He brought it up to his face and breathed in, the cardigan smelling like a mixture of both his scent and hers and he sobbed, knowing he'll never smell it again. Never smell her again.
He pulled the cardigan over his shirt, stuffing his hands into the pockets. His heart stopped in his chest as he felt a piece of crumbled up paper in the pocket. He pulled it out slowly and unraveled the mess, his eyes taking in the words.
