Not Sure Yet

How To Start

Dear anyone,

I'll actually tell you about something dramatic today, because I think writing about writing will get boring really soon. So, I've decided to actually tell you about them. The boys.

RIght now in my life I've got a lot of drama I'm trying to ignore that has to do with boys. I'm not really the type of girl to have a lot of relationships, but I am the type to be a hopeless romantic who will live in an apartment with cats and eat too much chocolate by the age of 40. Currently, my hopelessness has led to about 6 guys at once who I'm frustrated with: 3 are taken, one I barely know, another has me friend-zoned, and the last one likes me, but I do not like him, nor do I think I ever will. I don't believe you can force love. It just doesn't work that way. 

Anyway, to explain the first 3 in greater detail: All of them are guys who I considered to be great friends in the past, and 2 still are. The other has moved to a different school, so he's pretty much out of the picture. Yet, I still have an undeniable crush on him because he's just so- well, pretty. Thing is, he's known another girl I know for a lot longer, and it's obvious that they both like each other, but they're also both kind of nervous. So, I tried a little bit of match making to get him out of my head, and it worked for the most part.

As for the second taken boy, he is a friend who I've known as long as the other two, and I like to think that we're still friends. But, last year I did something stupid which made him incredibly distant to me, and i can still feel the awkwardness between us. I asked him to the spring dance, and it was obvious when we were there that he just danced with me out of politeness, because he didn't (and still doesn't) like me that way, and I stupidly didn't say anything and we danced anyway, and now it's just awkward every time we talk. Now, he has a girlfriend who is also a friend of mine, and i'm happy for them, because I don't like him that way and I want him to know that. I want to fix things with him, because he's a great friend, but I don't know how. I don't want to think about this too much right now. Moving on!

The third taken guy is just a really great friend who I should probably take off this list, because he and his girlfriend are so in love it's adorable, and I'd never want to ruin that. But he's also such an awesome guy that it's hard not to imagine what we'd be like together. We have a lot of the same interests. I know that he loves his girlfriend, and vice versa, so I don't usually think of him that way because it's pointless, but sometimes it's still nice to imagine what if, just for the heck of it. And his what if scenarios in my head are awesome.

The boy who I barely know is a problem for me, because I can't stop thinking about him even though he's such a cliche. He's the guy who every girl at school thinks is cute, and if they actually know him they probably have a crush on him. He's an artist, and an athlete, and he's smart, and nice, and cool, and funny. The classic "prince charming" of any high school. And I barely know him. The only reason I've ever really talked to him is because he's cute, which is a shame, because I'm pretty sure he has a girlfiend, and I'm just being hopeless again. And yet, at the same time, even though I barely know him, I can't help but see into people and imagine what they might be thinking, and why. So with him, from talking to him and seeing how he acts, I like to imagine he's not a total cliche. I can tell he's kind of introverted, because it's obvious that a lot of girls think he's cute, but he's not always talking to a lot of people all day like the really popular guys. He has his small circle of friends who he eats lunch with and talks to after school, but he doesn't always want to have someone to talk to because the quiet is nice sometimes. 

Ugh. Drama. Anyway, if anyone ends up reading this, thanks for at least pretending to be interested in what I'm writing. I just need to vent things once in a while, and I appreciate you, whoever you are, even if you don't appreciate me.

Thanks, Stranger.