Let It Out, Babe

Kevin.

We've been rarely spoken to each other since that day. I feel too cautious to be myself again. The anxiety came again and seems like I rarely can't control. Zach never talk or says anything about it but I know he's been distracted by it. He's less talking and we've been less dating out.

I miss his touch and I miss to sleep with him. There have been 3 days now since he is not coming to my house or I'll come to his as we being distance. But what I'm sure about, he is still loving me as he will holding and lock our hands whenever we walk together. He kiss me when I ask and accompany me when I want to. Yet, he doesn't want to sleep with me. I'm not angry but a little disappointed.

For once, I really want to express my feelings to him. I want to speak what is in my mind but I felt like my throats are being tied and I can't catch my breathe.

Today, I feel like wants to be alone so I grab my hoodie and put on a white sneakers. I text Liam to tell him that I'm gonna be out for awhile. I drove my car through the night. I roll down the window car so that I can feels the fresh breeze of the night soothing my skin. It's You by Ali Gatie accompany me. It's very soothing and I'm kinda relaxing hears that.

I've been broken, yeah
I know how it feels
To be open and then
Find out your love isn't real
I'm still hurtin', yeah
I'm hurtin' inside
I'm so scared to fall in love
But if it's you, then I'll try

I stopped the car alongside the beach. I came out and sat on the side of beach sipping off my ice Latte. There are none people but that won't scares me. I just loves to sit here alone with the sound of waves and stars in the sky.

The night is beautiful.

"You're alone,huh" A voice came behind me. I looked back and my jaws were dropped down. I stepped back and starts to shiver. I can see the blue eyes stares at me. Not the one that I'm comfortable off but that one that have hiding an intentional meaning. He's smirk.

I tried to walk away saving my life but he blocked me. I look around searching for any human to help me, but there's none. It should be one around at this time. It should...

"I-I I need to go.." I mumbles. My lips are shivering and the heart beating faster than ever. The panic attack takes over me and my lungs can't pumping steadily.

He came closer to me and I back off unsteadily. I give my hands signaling him to stop but he just shook his head and giggling.

"I can let you go as long as you follow what I'm gonna to say," I nodded fast. Right now, I need to agree whatever he gonna to say so that he can let me go safely.

"You're going to be with me tomorrow night and no one should knows including your boyfriend, besties and your brother. I'm sure you know what's gonna to happen if you-"

"Yes!!! Yes, I know and just-- let me go.." I stutters. I ignore his evil laughing and look down at my sneakers as I'm too scared facing him. I heard the footsteps closer to me and there's a hand patting my head.

"Such a good girl,"

*** ***

I locked my room and close my window curtain. I don't switch on the lamp and just let the room as dark as it can. I snuggle into my precious bed and let my body wraps with the blanket tight. My eyes become teary and I let out a small sob.

He came back.

He's back.

He back to me.

He--

My sobs become harder but no sound are hearing. I cried in silent and it makes my head ache more. I feel like my heart are being stabbed for a several times and the pain feels deep.

Kevin Thompson. The asshole that ruins my life. The one that makes me traumatised with this anxiety. The one that makes me hate myself ever. I hate him. I fucking hate him. I cried for 5 minutes long.

No! I can't let myself be like this. I need to be strong and fight him. I can't let him crashing my life for the second times. Yes, maybe I'll follow whatever he wants but I'll save myself out. He ruins me before but I swear to God, he's the next.

I took out my phone and dials Zach's number. I have to be free for tomorrow and the next day. Who's gonna know that I'll be safe just for one night?