Trapped

letter seven

chapter eight

harry,

reason number seven: ineffective communication.

there were times, like the instance of you forgetting our date, where we did not speak to one another as we should have. and as much as i want to blame you, i can't because you were always the one to try to talk things through with me.

but i refused one too many times and you just gave up.

i only have myself to blame.

the number of times you must have gotten frustrated with me for ignoring you, for being unresponsive or for completely disregarding what you were trying to say to me must have been endless.

i remember one instance where i was dismissing every single one of your reasons. you got so angry that you threw your glass across the room. when it smashed, we both went silent and just stared at one another.

i was scared. i remember that clearly. but i wasn't scared of you, i knew you'd never hit me. no, i was scared that i'd made you so mad at me that you'd want to leave me. i remember looking at you from the other side of the table with shock on my face and a sudden lack of words.

you looked right back at me. it hurt to see the tears in your eyes as you tried not to cry. at the sight, i began to cry. you sighed and walked around the table to me, pulling me into your arms and kissing my forehead softly. you told me you were sorry for getting angry, but that wasn't why i was crying.

i told you it was ok and that i was sorry too. you said not to be sorry, but i was and i still am because you looked at me like you were giving up on us.

this is where i have to be brutally honest with myself. harry, i am still in love with you. i'm so in love with you that it hurts. i tried to tell myself i wasn't. i even wrote it in a letter to you to try and make it real. it feels more real if you write it down, but that didn't work because reliving all these memories is making me miss you more. there's a hollow in my life where you used to be and i just wish you would come back to me, even if you were just my friend.

i miss you too much for it to be healthy.

love, marlee x

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