5 Seconds of Summer Imagines

Bitterness of the Heart - Ashton Irwin - Part Two

I'm really sorry if you received a notification for this, but I accidentally deleted this when going through and deleting old fics.

Trigger Warnings: Heartbreak, Issues within a relationship, Soulmates(?)

I updated this to remove all spelling errors, however, this was previously written in 2016 so the story is really bad. 

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On a typical day, Ashton's days in the dense library would be relatively long. He would make sure captivating the information was a well-spent a process so he didn't have to endeavour the constant tug of his heart that begged for him to finally accept this concept of soul mates. Although it had started to occur to him that maybe this idea wasn't so bad, he was determined to try and demolish this idea that was beginning to become overwhelming. He still rejected it, however, the constants doubt and reconsiderations his heart would conjure, infuriated him. He wanted to carry on denying this but every time he read a page it seemed as the words would cast a spell that made his sessions more alluring.

Every time he read a page it seemed as the words would cast a spell that made his sessions more alluring. The fact of this complicated scenario was Ashton did want this to happen; to fall in love, however, he felt as though he owed himself as well as his mother. He wanted to keep denying this for her sake. He refused to even allow any possibility of heartbreak to enter his life.

He was trapped in a broken record and as so badly he wanted to fix it, he found himself slowly slipping away into a world of confusion and frustration.

Ashton had spent yet another sun-glazed evening, hidden away in the corner of the Library, except instead of consuming information, he spent the evening with his fingers in his hair, gripping his locks in frustration. He had been there for an hour, trapped in a world of angst. He was beginning to feel sick. Done with everything he was doing. What he was doing everyday nauseated him. His sanity was becoming depleted. The thought of him needing to block out everything instead of allowing himself to break down his walls was exhausting. He was stuck here, hurting himself. Maybe more so than any 'soul mate' could. But what does he do now? He was afraid of the life of what would remain. This was what Ashton had led his life to be. He had spent so much time neglecting reality to know any different. He didn't know what to do now.

Ashton pushed himself off the flimsy chair he had sat on in anger and frustration. His breath began to grow rigid and his eyes began to brim with tears. Why did he feel this way? Why had he chosen to be so controversial about this topic? Why couldn't he just accept the fact there was someone out there who he was supposed to be with?

Ashton was done, he couldn't continue with this anymore. He had finally decided he would give up. He needed a break. He just wanted to forget about all of this soul mate crap, he just wanted to find an escape. A sanctuary.

And so that's what Ashton did.

In a rush, Ashton grabbed the bag that laid beside him in a slump, while slamming his chair against the desk, before rushing out of the library into the start of twilight.

He began to run. He didn't know where to. He just allowed his body to take him wherever. He darted through the empty roads, his vision beginning to blur. He was sick of this. Why had he allowed himself to enter such misery? Ashton allowed his head hang low as his pace began to falter. His breath began to slow, as his body came to a halt. He had no idea where he was, but he liked it. It was quiet and that's what he needed. Ashton was exhausted. Physically and mentally. He was overwhelmed with emotion. On one hand he felt cheated, he had spent most of his life trying to protect himself from the worst possible situation, but on the other hand, he felt himself slowly slipping into the opposing side, and that was somewhat relieving. Ashton was supposed to stop himself from having a broken heart. But maybe, just maybe, he was the one causing the heartache in the first place.