A story for Ash's Birthday

Secrets

Everything was perfect. So perfect in fact that it sometimes scared him to death. He was afraid of waking up in a dimly lit room in Manhattan again. That the last few months in Japan had just been a dream.

Ash needed some time to adapt to a new culture, a new language and a world that was eerily silent and peaceful, just as Eiji had described it to him. While Eiji continued college to become a photographer, Ash learned Japanese at a language school that was close to college. Most days they went to the cafeteria of Eiji's college to have lunch together. Ash loved the photos Eiji showed him for his latest projects. He had a good eye for minor details others would overlook which made his photos special. Unlike those twisted and disgusting photos taken by his abusers, Eiji's photos reflected his pure and innocent view of the world which made them beautiful. It also helped Ash understand that photos were also able to catch beautiful moments in time that were precious to you. That photos even froze or revived perfect seconds in your life that were over in a heartbeat and  had already been fading from your memory. That such an instant caught on camera stayed with you for all eternity and made you relive that happy moment. He slowly began to realize that photos depended strongly on the one looking through the camera.

Eiji was impressed by how much Japanese Ash could already read and understand. Sometimes he practically beamed at him when Ash had understood a word pun or he could read a difficult passage in a book. Eiji had also been really proud that Ash had found a part-time job in the afternoon at a small café next to college. Since the café was close to college and many international students frequented the place, they needed someone who could speak English. And it probably didn't hurt that students frequented the place to see the handsome blonde waiter either. At least that was what Eiji had told him, laughing at the surprised look crossing his face. At the same time Eiji sometimes still worked for Ibe and assisted him when he had enough free time.

Ash enjoyed his ordinary life with Eiji and slowly stopped feeling guilty to be alive and to accept his second chance in life he had been given. Eiji just accepted him the way he was with his horrible nightmares and his paranoia, his suffering and his panic attacks at times. He understood that his problems wouldn't disappear overnight and that he needed much more time to get over his traumatic past and to trust people again. Eiji had just told him that recovering from something like that wasn't easy and would take time. That he had to be patient and to take one step at a time. And that it would all work out as long as they were together.

Eiji taught him everyday to accept himself as he was and to value his life more. To not feel guilty for being alive. That he deserved this new life more than anyone else after suffering for so long. Eiji's warmth, his honesty and his innocent and pure heart comforted him and made him feel complete. He made him feel safe and protected for the very first time.

He still had horrible nightmares sometimes, but they had changed. They weren't about his dark past anymore, but instead about losing Eiji. Putting him in danger and failing to save him. His greatest fear. Sometimes, after having such a  nightmare, he was still convinced that he would put Eiji's life in danger again and that it would be better to leave him. But Eiji always pulled him out of those negative thoughts and knew just the right thing to say to make him feel better.

But for the last few days Eiji's behavior had changed slightly, Ash had noticed right away. Eiji's emotions were always openly reflected on his face. He looked happier and was smiling mysteriously when looking at him as if he knew something Ash didn't.

But Ash didn't have too much time to think about his strange behavior because it was the end of the semester and both of them had exams coming up. Eiji had also had to hand in some projects that took most of his time. Ash also had a written and an oral exam in Japanese the next few days. He needed the certificate to get into the more advanced course next semester. And he still had his work at the café. Since his language course was over except for the exams, he worked more hours at the café because he wanted to save some money for a trip Eiji and he wanted to do during summer break. He took over some extra shifts from students whose exams weren't over yet. So they had