EPHEMERAL || BBH

The Miles Between Us ❁

*.☽.*

5:46PM

I was in my room, sitting and facing the mirror on the vanity table. I stared at my reflection. My eyes were puffy, my nose and cheeks were red from crying. I silently shed tears on the train and even after I came home.

Aunt Sunny and Jihye weren't home since they had to visit a relative in another town and wouldn't be home until tomorrow morning, Uncle Jinwoo was still at work so I had the whole house to myself.

I cried, so hard the moment I reached my room. And as I gave in to this vulnerability, I remembered everything that happened recently. From Ara to Eun Chan, my mom, Manager Kang, the news and the possible aftereffects...

Baekhyun and his career...

My god, I swear I'm losing my mind.

My phone was right in front of me. I held it in my hands for a few times but ended up putting it back on the table, not having the heart to call him.

I can't do this. I can't fucking do this.
I can't break up with him again. I cannot handle it.
No, I don't wanna leave him...

But then, as I thought of Baekhyun during his concerts and remembered the sparkle in his eyes when he performed, the glow on his face when he talked to his fans...his laughter on TV, his songs, his voice...
It would not be fair if I had him all to myself. I wouldn't be happy knowing he risked something he loved for me.

I can't be selfish.
How is this love right when he had to lose something important to him in exchange?
Maybe this is wrong, maybe meeting him is.
Maybe going back to Korea is.

Wiping my tear-stained cheeks, I took my phone in my hand once more and with slightly trembling hands, I went to my contacts and pressed on his number.

I felt my heart being gripped.

I took a deep breath, undeniably not ready for the heartbreak that would come the moment I hear his voice. For one second, I prayed that he wouldn't pick up the call. I wasn't ready. 

"Hi Baby." He answered on the third ring.

He sounded so glad I called and the affection in his voice made me lost it.

"Did you call because you missed me already?" He teased.

With blurred vision due to tears, I covered my mouth as I started crying once more. I was afraid that he would have the slightest idea of my breakdown.

"Hey..." He muttered. "Baby, is everything okay? Are you home?"

I gulped, hoping I could get the words I need to say out. 
How do I even start with this?

"Are you crying?" He asked, all of a sudden.

He was obviously worried and I couldn't take this anymore. I took the phone away from my ear so I could sob freely as I wiped the tears from my eyes, since they just wouldn't stop from flowing.

I was not ready to do this. No, the truth was, I would never be ready for breaking his heart.

"Baek..." It took every ounce of energy I have left to reply.

My voice instantly gave me away.

"Baby, why are you crying? Tell me what's wrong."

"I'm sorry." It was all that I could say.

No. No. Park Hae Won, don't you do this. Please.
The part of me that loved him so hard wanting to break free.

"What are you sorry for?" He sounded confused. "I...I don't understand, is something wrong? Did something else happen?" His consecutive questions was somehow gave me a hint that he knew what was about to happen.