ContamiNation

Sharp

Carris

I woke up thinking I was safe. I woke up thinking I was alone. I woke up thinking I was still in my own bed. I woke up thinking it was a school day Wednesday. I woke up thinking everything was the same, that everything was normal. I woke up turned over and went back to sleep. Because what reason do I have to get up anymore? Everything I knew was gone, destroyed, irrevocably damaged and there was nothing in the world that could change that. So I went back to sleep to dream of a world so different for mine. To a world that none of this ever happened—to a world that the first thing I saw in the morning was my mom, dad, and Thumpy, and we were all safe and sound.

It took hours of poking and prodding from Diamma to get me up and even then I just sat up and let her shovel food into my mouth. I barely even chewed. Just held the food in my mouth and stared holes into the walls. She tried making a few jokes like "Hey, you said you were leaving? I think you're getting too attached to me." And "I sure love playing nurse and all but you gotta tell me what happened." Okay, maybe the last one wasn't a joke. But I didn't want to talk about it.

Around mid-day Chris came by and told Diamma something out of ear shot of me. By the worried glances at me and the hushed tones I figured they looked in the gym again with the morning light. I don't think they actually could see anything by sunlight with the gym being in the sub-basement but it's always easier in the day time whether or not the sun can reach. I didn't get that courtesy.

Diamma kneeled by my feet, holding my hands she looked me in the eyes. "Carris, I don't know what happened down there but from the looks of it...I can tell it wasn't good." She sighed. "Please, tell me what happened."

It was so dark. As soon as the door shut behind me I heard it—the growls that haunted me since I heard it by the car. Arms were grabbing at me. I couldn't see them, they couldn't see me. I took some comfort in that last part. Until I realized that it wasn't just me and them. It was me against them; and more than just one 'them'.

I spent a long time hiding in a corner until I heard or felt one was close. Then I jumped at them, squeezing their neck; or—if they were thin and wiry—snapping their neck. Some were too big that I had to use other's limbs to hit them until they stayed down.

I know there weren't that many and more likely some that I thought were gone came back again. But that doesn't change the fact that I was in the dark, the cold dark sub-basement alone facing—no, not even facing, I could even see them—more than one infected people. I killed them.

As I stared into Diamma's eyes I knew I was not myself anymore, the person I was, died. Not last night, but that moment when I thrust my thumbs into that woman's eyes, she might as well as killed me then. And at that moment, I wasn't sure if I would've preferred it if she did.

"Diamma." That one word sent me crying again. I dried my eyes in her shoulder. "Diamma, I'm gone. I'm gone." I couldn't stop repeating it. I'm gone I'm gone I'm gone.

She held me out at arm's length. "Hey, look at me." I did. "You did what you had to. You did what you had to."

"Still, I wish I didn't have to. I wish it never happened. I wish none of this had to happen."

"What happened to my sharp girl with all the witty remarks, huh?" I laughed despite myself. "There you go. But if it's that hard to be yourself in this"—she paused, looking for a word—"new world? Then it's time to be someone else."

I furrowed my brows. "What?"

"Put yourself away." She told me. "Put Carris and all your memories—all that you are—away and become someone else. New name, new attitude, new strength, someone that will fight here; and when you find your promise land, your haven, you can put it away. Put everything you did away. Because deep down you are not that person. Because deep down you are Carris. On the surface, to survive, you will be someone else."

I'd stopped crying now. I'd become completely numb. "But-who will I be now? Who can I be if I can't be who I am? I'll die inside before I die outside."

"I guess you'll be whatever—whoever—you need to be to survive, like I said. And sometimes, it's easier to save the inside after it dies rather than the outside. Especially in times like this, right now, where the best team of surgeons in the world in the best hospital couldn't do jack-shit for you if you got turned into a zombie. Understand?"

I nodded.

"Good. Now, who will you be?"

I raised my chin, "Sharp."

Diamma laughed, full and beautifully, like it wasn't the end of the world. "Okay then, Sharp, let's go time to put my plan into action."

"But what-" I started and cut myself off.

She asked, "'But what' what?"

I swallowed before continuing, "But what if I can't be Sharp."

"Then fake it 'till you make it snikerdoodle. Maybe one of these days you won't need to pretend." She walked out of the room.

"That's what I'm afraid of. The day I become so sharp I don't need the mask." The day Sharp takes over and I'm gone. What then? I ask myself.

I walked into the room with my head held high. "Hey, boys," I give them a flirty smile. "Did somebody get my sweater back? I left it downstairs."

Instantly all the faces looking at me turned away.

Giev said, "It was too ruined. It was basically scraps of fabric, barely holding together, I'm sorry." He made a move to get up but I moved away to the kitchen hiding the crack in my mask. I wasn't surprised the sweater was unsalvageable. I used it for protection and then to clean myself off. But my mask cracked because for a second I thought of what I did and my soft side came out.

I stepped back out, mask fully healed, with food. "Oh well, too bad."

I could feel them staring at my arms. They were scratched and bruised up from the encounter. I'd put on long sleeves to cover the evidence of what happened. I sat at the table to the left of them and asked "How many were there?" I almost dreaded the answer.

Giev answered. I almost smacked him, why couldn't anyone else answer. "It was hard to tell. Did you move them all into the corner?" I nodded. I had done it so I wouldn't trip in the dark if there was another coming. "There looked to be about four or five."

I suddenly didn't want to eat the meat on my plate. "What's the plan for today? Diamma mentioned it but didn't tell me about it."

Right on time, Diamma strutted into the lunchroom. "What y'all talkin' about?"

"What's the plan?"

Her mouth quirked up at that, "We're setting off every car alarm in the area. Attract as many as those bastards as we can. Then we kill them-every last zombie. We should be safe for a few days afterwards because of the sudden clearance."

I don't know what I expected but it certainly wasn't that. "Okay..."

"Sharp," The guys looked at both of us funny for that. "Do you want first hit?"

I blinked. I was sharp, that's why she used the name. What would Sharp say? "Yes. If anyone else kills one before me: I'll turn you, then kill you myself." A little bit too much, I thought. But based off of Diamma's expression, it was perfect.