ContamiNation

(Chapter 48) Halfway there

Sharp/Carris

Kaya didn't show. For some strange reason I was actually surprised, somewhere between our last talk and my leaving, I'd deluded myself into thinking she'd show.

I stared at the fast approaching lake ahead of us and argued in my head. She slept in, she's pacing hoping you'll come back, one side of my brain argued. The other side fought back, with emotional punches, Oh, please, nobody would ever regret not going with you, heck, they'll be happy you just disappeared.

Not true, the first side muttered. Brit was there to see you off. She was woken up by the cops, although I don't know why.

That's because she's a nosy person, and if Kaya wanted to come with me then she would've woken up. I'm barely a sneaky person, I couldn't sneak out of school, or Roger's, each time someone had to yell at me and call me an idiot.

The car slowed, Mercy was nearing the highway. It was more clogged in the downtown area because of all those road blocks stopping cars from getting out, but the highway was barely any easier, so we passed it, going to the lakeshore instead. Better than both but not by much, she still had to slow and weave through the layers of cars.

We'd ditched her wonderful army-grade vehicle (it wasn't really a car but it wasn't a truck either, closer to a small bulldozer, now that I think about it) somewhere in a parking garage by our exit. Even it's strength couldn't climb over the road blocks.

Mercy then—somehow—got into another car and hotwired it. It wasn't even fully morning yet and we'd left Roger's, stole a car, sped down to the lakeshore—crashed and stole another car—and were more than halfway to my drop-off point.

"What if you take me the full way?" I asked at one point.

Mercy glared then shook her head. "I'd rather not. If there's some military people there I'd rather not get involved."

"Okay..." I looked out the window. The lake was so peaceful. "Wanna go kayaking? Or swimming or something? Nobody's anywhere, we can do what we want."

"That's what I've been saying, you don't have to go to the bunker yet. You can do what you want, why are you rushing?"

"I need to."

"Why?"

"I don't know. Isn't this what normal people are supposed to do? Care about each other? Fight for each other? For so long I had to pretend to be normal, to pretend to care, I can't, just not go. No one would understand."

"It's not anyone's job to understand. And if you hide who you are all the time, when will you ever just relax." Mercy slowed, and turned onto the bridge. The bridge was for pedestrians only but the roads were covered in cars around the second highway ramp.

"I guess I won't. I'll just keep acting. Honestly, at this point, I don't know who I'd be if I stopped. What kind of monster would I unleash if I just stopped trying to act up to everyone expectations." I reached for my phone again. I still haven't gotten the courage to turn it on. Last time it charged, it got up to sixty percent.

"If you can't let loose right now, you never will. And it's too late anyways, you've killed a person—well a zombie. More than a few." She turned to me with those piercing gray eyes. "It's too late, Sharp. You've already become a monster, just like me. You can't do a thing about it. Name or not, it's still you; you still killed."

"To survive," I fought back. "I did it to survive."

"No you didn't. You know why I pulled that first one away from the rest, the first one you killed with me. It was married, remember?"

"Vaguely." I searched my memory for something. A cold brick wall, or was it concrete? A wedding band, broken teeth, pleads for forgiveness... I couldn't remember his name. Did I ever know it? I couldn't remember what he looked like. Did I stab him in the back? I remember aiming there, I don't remember hitting there.

"It wasn't attacking. It was chewing on the wall, crying like the human it used to be. Crying for the human it used to love." She spat the word. "That wasn't to survive, that was just to kill. Crossing that line is the hardest. Once you've done it, what's one more. You put them out of their misery."

I wanted to scream "you made me" but as I was thinking it I knew it was a lie. I wanted to do it. Sharp was a part of me that I hated, a part of me that I kept hidden. Until now. And if I went to the bunker, I'd have to hide it, show remorse, act broken...act broken.

Mercy slapped my shoulder. "Hey, over here good?" She was pointing to a corner in the sun.

I looked at the street name; 13th street. "Yeah, I think I know where to go." I thought about asking for her to hotwire a car for me but thought may I need to think of my story for the bunker. Act broken. Think of what I need to do, how to get their attention if they're not wait for me.

Mercy jumped out of the car, sliding her sunglasses on again, and walked to my side. I landed badly on my feet and had to lean on the car for a bit for the pain to go away. She stood in front of me looking down the street behind me. "So I guess this is where I get off."

"Yeah." Goodbyes are the hardest. And even more awkward when they're permanent. "So, I'll see you later, my dude."

I smiled. "How about in a week? We can do sushi."

"I think they're closed. Do you know how to make it?" I shook my head. Mercy smiled. "Well we can try a library, get all the manga and sushi making books. Did you bring your card?"

I tapped my pockets. "I'll grab it next time. Text me so I don't forget, okay?"

"Yeah." She stepped forward, just a little. We quickly hugged and parted. I stood in the sun, warming up as I watched the car drive away.

Sticking one hand in my pocket I held the power button and began my walk. I guessed it would take around half an hour to an hour and decided, whatever, and walked to the park nearby to relax. Along the way I just sliced at anything that came near me. Crossing the line is the hardest. Once you've done it, what's one more?

"Take over Sharp. Go have your fun." I smiled and ran forward. It felt so freeing...until I got tired and actually had to rest for a bit. Those first five seconds were glorious, though.