My brother just died, now im falling for his bestfriend?

My brother just died, now im falling for his bestfriend chapter3

2 day's had passed since my brother died I was still in my room, I haven't come out yet, which is probably a bad thing in your mind but right now the death of my brother hasn't sank in. I still wake up and wonder whether i'll see him today, then it hits me, it's funny what a night's sleep can do to you.

Even though my parent's are back, I just don't have the power to get up. My Mum brings me food and leaves it outside the door but I haven't ate much, I don't see why I have to eat and all those starving children in Africa can't. I don't understand why God takes innocent people away from the world. My brother was the most sweetest, loyal, caring, handsome, funny and understanding person I have ever met in my life. Im sure a lot of people who knew him would agree. I stick with the words I spoke earlier, I definitely do wish it was me.

It's Martin's funeral tomorrow. Whoop dee doo! Sarcasm, if you must know.

My Dad won't talk to me, my Mum comes up and try's to comfort me but my Dad's ignored me for 2 day's straight. I don't think I could cope going to Martin's funeral. Being there with people he hardly knows, family who only came over from their perfect lives to say goodbye. I see no point in funeral's, who wants to see Auntie's and Uncle's that don't get along well with your parent's? Not me. Who wants to watch your only piece of hope in the world be put into a dark hole for eternity? Definitely not me. There will be people there that I don't even know, people there that i've ever spoke to or met, people there who loved Martin for all the right reasons.

People who aren't the reason for his death, I can't help but think this is my fault, if only I told him to stay with me on the night before my birthday, there wouldn't have been an 'accident' and i'd still have my Martin.

My Mum's arranged everything for the funeral, my Dad's still a bit shocked I think. Martin was always the perfect child, always did everything right, was on the right track in life, had a good job and girlfriend, didn't drink or smoke and basically he was Daddy's number 1, which leaves me at number 2. Im the second best. Always have been, always will be my Dad puts the dog before me. Not kidding.

I heard conversation downstairs, and footsteps coming up. I knew my parent's weren't talking, because Dad's been giving everyone the silent treatment. Not like I care, im in no state to talk to the dickhead I call Father dearest.

''Connie, darling, you have a visitor.'' My Mum said quiety. I didn't really want to see anyone now. I was too upset, my Mum was being strong, she was the strongest out of all of us, always carried on for some reason. If I had a child that died I wouldn't be able to live it down, I don't know how she can be so calm about the whole thing maybe it's because she's put up with my Father for all these years, that probably makes her stronger. My Dad's a nasty piece of work when he wants to be.

I didn't answer back, I just let the visitor come in.

''Hey Con.'' Jason's voicemumbled, he sat slowly on the edge of my bed, my eyes captured by him being here.

My Mum smiled and closed the door then went downstairs.

''I missed you.'' He whispered holding my hand. I was still angry at him for not being upset, hell, I was angry at everyone, mostly at myself. I pulled away from him and laid sideways in my bed, pulling the covers over my head. It seemed like the awkward silence went on forever until I felt his presence still here.

''Fuck off.'' I said sternly, not making any emotion on my face.

''Connie listen to m...''' He started.

''Fuck off.'' I said again, this time more serious, I didn't need to listen to him, I didn't need to see him.

''I get that your mad, but it's hurting me too you know.'' He pushed his hand under the cover and gripped onto my hand, his palm warm and friendly.

I felt tears coming down my face. Oh no not again, I could be a flaming water fountain with the way im going. My heart started to race when Jason pulled on the duvet, hereached over and wiped my tears, he smelt like tobacco and aftershave. I breathed in and calmed myself down. His scent being taken in by all the right senses.

''Please go Jason.'' I glared at him, he stared at me with his head tilted, for a minute I swear he was going to cry.

He walked to the door and turned my light off. ''Connie.'' I raised my head when he said my name ''Im always here for you, I know I can't replace him, I won't leave you.'' Hepromised, his persuasive eyestelling me his words were true. Hekept looking at me with those gorgeous hazel eyes, his head turned when he got a satisfying nod from me, I watched him exit through my door and sighed heavily when the door closed.

I plugged my ear phones in and covered myself in my blanket. I listened to only-hope by switchfoot, and thought about what wouldhappen if I died instead of Martin, maybe everyone wouldn't be depressed maybe people would actually be happy? Im pretty sure Jason doesn't want a 16 year oldclinging onto him like a lost puppy all the time.Life sucks, Martin has more to stay on Earth for, I have nothing, no-one, only Frankie and my parents but even with them it doen't seem enough.

I wonder if Frankie left, I wonder if he told anyone what hapened. I wonder if I could turn back time. Is there a God? I don't understand why God would take someone who hasn't hurt a soul in his life away from us when there are people in prison who murdered other's who are still alive and well. Why don't they be punished and not my brother? Why would God not try and help? Couldn't anyone have done anything to help? Is there a life after death? There's so many questions and not enough answers. I hope there's life after death and Martin can jump on the cloud's and meet Grandma Lucy and Grandpa Joseph. I hope he can dance with the angel's and be my guardian angel. But what if that's it. What if his life is no more? What if he just goes into a long sleep and doesn't ever wake up. Salted tears fell down my face as I asked these questions to myself.

As my Grandpa Joseph once said -Life is just a test, to see whether you get to heaven, those who pass the test get eternal happiness, those who don't keep trying.