My brother just died, now im falling for his bestfriend?

My brother just died, now im falling for his bestfriend. Chapter 5

I sat there for a while, letting him kiss me. I didn't know what I was doing, I don't really know how to kiss so I was just figuring it out in my mind, I tried miming everything he did. He pulled me closer, if that's possible. I was on his lap with my body against his chest, this felt so right. Everytime I pulled away to talk he kissed me again. This kiss wasn't hapening was it? I said to myself. I bet we were there for like half an hour. Okay so slightly over exaggerated but close to half an hour. I opened my eyes slightly, watching his controlled face, his piercing eyes squinted slightly. For a minute I lost all my actions and just sat there doing nothing, but then my head shouted at me, causing my hand to push itself easily through Jason's soft, glistening hair.

What was I doing? Martin would hate me kissing someone, he wasn't even that hyped up on letting me date, he would be furious if he saw me kissing his best friend. I thought about it for a few second's, taking in everything that I was doing, then my hand dropped from Jason's hair and I remembered where I was. My brother's funeral.

I pulled away from Jason quickly, wiping the corner of my mouth carefully with the edge of my cotton sleeve, I saw hurt in his eyes. ''Jason we can't, we shouldn't have done that.'' I sighed pushing myself from his lap onto the cold floor.

''Sorry.'' Is all he said in a low voice. I looked at him, he was sat back against the tree watching the clouds form. His face bewildered of what was going on around him, care and passion pasted along that gorgeous, flawless face he owned.

I looked away blushing, then I saw it, the one thing to make my day even worse than it already was.

I got up quickly and ran over to the new looking gravestone stuck up from the ground, the stone a light colour that glowed whenever the sunt it, reflecting a flicker of light right across the front of it. I glanced around and saw all the other's were dark, dirty and were covered in leaves, the graves of dead people, people who could no longer smile, laugh or live.

I shed a tear as I red the engraved letters

- Martin Ray Olbert-

Beloved son, brother and friend.

R.I.P

''I read in a book once that R.I.P really meant run in paradise.'' I heard Jason behind me, he spoke nervously, probably trying to cover the kiss we just shared.

''Do you think he's gone forever?'' I frowned and turned to him. Asking the one question I didn't even want an answer o.

''No-one is ever really gone forever, he's watching over us from heaven.'' He smiled and wiped a tear from my face, sounding cheesy but I bought it.

''Do you think he's happy?'' I pushed the word's out, knowing that niether of us really knew the correct answer.

''I bet he's up there now thinking what a complete and utter pancake your Dad is.'' I laughed at that. ''I bet it's the best place in the world up there, he's probably watching us on a big screen tv.'' He tried to smile but I knew he wanted to cry really. His jokes just a cover up of what he really wanted to say which was he missed him more than anything.

''He would want us to be happy Con.'' He pulled me into a hug and I stumbled and held a tight grip of his back.

''Why did you kiss me?'' I asked  suddenly curious.

He sighed and let go of me just enough so we were face to face. ''I dunno, I was upset, it was just lust I guess, something to stop me crying.''

I nodded understanding, my stomach tightening, I know I stopped the kiss but I felt hurt from his comment.

''I wasn't the only one doing the kissing you know.'' He held my hand and pulled me over to the door of the church, still in a small hug with eachother.

''I know.'' I added lightly, a flutter running through my insides.

Im not sure my brother would accept a boy saying he only kissed me because he felt lust, but it was Jason so I willed myself to keep my cool.

Jason's fingers slowly crept round mine and with our hand's intertwined comfortably we walked around the corner.

People started flooding out of the church, all with tissues in their hand's, blowing their noses or crying, some were hugging eachother I saw a few men trying not to cry, acting all macho. Deep inside everyone wanted to cry, my brother was the most amazing person. Everyone was in love with him. If he wasn't my brother, I definitely would be. Im not so sure if that sounds wrong at all but it's true, I bet my Mum would say the exact same thing.

I looked around and saw Sadie walking out with my parent's. I wanted to talk to Sadie alone but I knew if I tried my Dad would shout at me. I pulled Jason over to them with me and tapped her shoulder. She turned and made a smile. I let go of Jason, dropping my hand so t aswel away from his sight. His face dropped slightly but he kept stable in front of Sadie.

''Oh Connie, please can we still talk?'' She asked giving me a tight hug. While she was hugging me I looked over her shoulder to see my Dad give me a dirty look and walk away, my Mum looked upset but slowly followed after him. Coward.

''Course.'' I whispered to her, closing my eyes to block out anyone behind her.

''Im sorry Sadie.'' I said to her, I knew she was hurting too, she was in love with him, he was going to propose to her. Fairytales never end well I guess. I mean look what happened to Romeo and Juliet.

''We all are.'' She sighed and wiped her eyes before kissing my cheek. I opened my tired eyes and watched her as she went over to Jason and kissed his cheek, she hugged him and whispered something in his ear. I couldn't hear her but I felt a little jealousy rise inside. I know that was stupid since it's a funeral, obviously there will be no sign of any romance (Not including Jason and I kissing) Plus she's only just lost her boyfriend.

What the hell am I thinking? Jason looked over at me with that twinkle in his eyes. I noticed Sadie had gone, he smiled kindly at me and gestured me to follow him. There was nothing going on between me and Jason. It was just a kiss. He was my brother's best friend. He's one of my best friend's. He's Jason, I have no right at all to control him. So what If he wants to let girl's kiss his cheek's then fine by me. Ugh im so insecure. I felt like crying right then.

Without Martin, I was all over the place I couldn't think properly, my thought's were everywhere. I wasn't me. I don't think anyone could change the way I was thinking, my brother was my rock and now im just a pebble.

We got to Jason's car and he nodded, ordering me to get in. I climbed in and as we drove off I stared out of the window taking one last look at Martin's grave. I looked down at my body.

My hands that my brother once held.

My arms that once held my brother in a hug.

Everything was a reminder of my brother.