My brother just died, now im falling for his bestfriend?

My brother just died, now im falling for his bestfriend chapter4

It was the day of Martin's funeral, I ran a hand through my long hair while staring at myself through the bathroom mirror.

''Martin would be ashamed of me.'' I said bluntly to myself.

I watced as my golden hair fell forward when I leaned over the sink. I wasn't ready to say goodbye to Martin, I still couldn't believe he was gone for good, I'd never get to see him smile again, never get to laugh with him, never hear his voice, never hug him, he would never open his eyes again. All these facts struck me hard, I stared at my tear stained face through the foggy mirror and willed myself to cry yet nothing escaped from my sorrow eyes.

I slowly cimbed into the shower with my pajamas on and turned on the hot water, the buring water hit my body and I felt it scold, I could see my arm's turning red from the reality of burning. I didn't care if I was in pain, at least Martin could be safe now, he didn't ever have to suffer any more pain, I however had to suffer the pain of him gone for the rest of my life. I closed my eyes as I pulled myself out of the shower. The steam poured out of the shower when I escaped.

What was I doing? Trying to hurt myself just to make the sadness go away? I pulled my pajamas off and looked at myself through the reflection in the shower door, I had red bruises all over my body. I felt pain when I walked over and got dressed. I was wearing a black dress that has been in my wardrobe for years.

I looked over to my bed side table and saw a photo of Martin. He wouldn't want this. He wouldn't want everyone dressing in black to come to a stupid celebration of life. The colour black doesn't symbolise life. I tied my hair up in a messy bun and stared at the marks on my body. Im so stupid, I thought to myself sighing at my silly attitude.

I quickly thought of Martin then changed out of the black dress into a yellow hoodie and some white skinny jeans. I knew my Dad would give me death glares but I had to do what had to be done.

I slowly made my way downstairs then noticed my Dad's car had gone. They were probably already at the funeral. They have suddenly forgot about their daughter because their most loved son has gone. I started to walk out of the door and down the street. I knew now my brother was gone, my parent's would give me no attention at all, it was probably going to be a life time of silence.

I slowly walked up the small path into the church, I tried not to pick up my pace. Gravestones surrounded the yard, rose bushed carefully planted in precise places lookingsimilar and dark.I opened the door's to the church and everyone turned to look at me. I heard a loud bang as the door hit the wall behind. I saw my Mum and Dad at the front, my Dad turned and stared at me giving me his famous death stare, my Mum just looked around with tears falling down her face. I knew if my father wasn't talking to me today, my Mum wouldn't be allowed to, he would make sure of that.

I slowly took a few steps, all eyes were still on me. I sighed and heard a cough next me, I glanced my head to the side and saw Jason sat on the back row, swallowing nervously. I walked over to him and sat close. A few people were still staring. I was getting sick of this.

''Am I not allowed to say goodbye?'' Iordered rudely.

''Family and friends, we are here today to celebrate the life of Martin Ray Olbert, a friend, a son, a brother and a child.'' I heard the Vicar say quite loud.

He did one of those bible reading's and called my Dad to the front to say a few words.

''Martin was the best child I could have ever wished for.'' He began, I glanced up at him trying not to cry, his face cold and a nasty expession placed upon his blank face.

''He was perfect, funny, smart, handsome, kind, he had a warm heart and it's a terrible shame he had to leave us. I know you all say it's an accident, his death, but I know who im going to blame.'' His gaze followed mine. He blames me? I slowly stood up, I felt anger rise and Jason grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight.

My Dad looked at me with hatred in his eyes. ''Something to say?'' He said loud enough for everyone to hear and look at me.

''Why do you hate me?'' I cried wanting him to stop being cocky.

He just looked at me without saying a word.

''Im your daughter!'' I screamed, tears running down my face.

''Not any more.'' I heard him say, the room echoed everytime a voice spoke so it was easy for me to hear him when he was talking.

''Just because Martin's gone doesn't mean you can get rid of me! Im always the second best in your eyes, he would fucking hate you right now.'' I called out to him. I could see he was getting angry. Ditto.

''Do not speak to me in that manner, the only person he would hate right now is you.'' He yelld at me.

''He adored me! I was the only person he could talk to properly in this family, you aren't exactly the perfect father figure.'' I screamed back, wanting him to give in. I was almost laughing.

''He could come to me with problem's, he only came to you because he felt sorry for the little girl who's life is fucked up.'' That comment hurt.

''That coming from the Dad who swears at his daughter! You have problem's, not him. No wonder he felt sorry for me, anyone would knowing I have you as a faher.'' Tears streamed down my face and Jason stood up putting an arm around my waist, he was about to pull me out of the church when I heard something.

''It should have been you.'' His voice echoed the whole church. I turned round and stared at him, tears still coming down my face.

''I wish it was me.'' I frowned and quickly walked out of the church.

Jason was following me, I could hear his footsteps. When I got to the path I ran, I ran down into the graveyard passing all the graves. I stopped next to a tree and curled myself under it. I put my hands over my eyes and pulled my knees up to my chest.

I felt someone breathing on my neck and holding me tightly.

''He didn't mean it, im so sorry Con, I miss him too, we all miss him.'' Jason said quietly, my crying stopped. I heard sniffing and glanced up to see tears coming down his face, his eyes were blood shot and I could see him trying to hold back the tears.

''I tried not to cry, I tried not to let it hurt me but knowing that he's going into a hole for ever and il never get to talk to him again, that kills me Connie, it's killing me.'' He cried. He burst into tears and I let him cry in my arms. I pushed my hand through his messy hair and kissed his head. My Mother did this to me when my Grandma died and it felt comforting so I knew he would like it.

''Sorry Jason.'' I spoke quietly, in his ear.

''Sorry for shouting at you the other day, I understand, but crying is the best way to let it all out.'' I whispered, pulling back his fringe. He looked so vunerable and harmless, almost scared.

His eyes looked into mine and I could see them twinkling, he started messing with the strands of hair that fell from my bun. He twisted them and smiled at me, tears still falling. He looked so cute then, he looked huggable.

He started leaning in, at first I thought he was going to whisper something back to me but his lips met mine and he pulled me onto his lap, my head spun with thoughts at that moment.