Kill Me Softly [P.Jimin]

Funeral

Today was the day we would be able to properly bury my ex lover. Nothing but guilt and horrid emotions could fulfill my thought process at the moment. I thought if at least knowing his body was still there would possibly end my grief, but I still feel so empty inside without him, knowing his joyful soul is no longer able to live and love me anymore.

With everyone knowing my past with him and how I felt about him, they warned me of not seeing the body, I even warned myself, but curiosity took over and hope did also. It's so dumb but for some reason i had a feeling that I could have a chance to revive him.

With what fucking power Yoongi?

But all I felt was worse seeing him, I knew what to expect. A body who had been lying deep in the ocean for a long, long time would be the worst of unpleasant to be seen above. My baby. I can't believe it, still.

"Are you ready?"

"Uh," I fixated my crooked tie and cleared my throat to choke up my cries. "y-yes, yes I'm ready"

I stood and smiled as I kissed her on the lips to make her less worrisome of me. My hands ran down her black dress and rested them around her waist.

"You look beautiful."

"As do you."

We chuckled and held hands as we left our house, her being a thought out person counting every item to bring before leaving every time.

"Okay, ready." she said.

I immediately gave a reassuring hug to my old friends once we arrived, somewhat trying to cover up my frown from anyone around. I missed them so fucking much as well. Seeing them all here fresh and grown makes me feel so proud but upset at the same time, everything in the past, the good times spent well together were long gone, Jimin included.

Hoseok broke the sudden silence and as always smiling brightly to lift everyone up from the sad burden sitting on all of our shoulders. "So who's the girl?" he pointed before lending his hand to her for a polite handshake. I could tell she was already pleased with his personality by her nice smile back at him. No one can resist Hoseok and his bright, bubbly heart and soul.

"This is my girlfriend-"

"I'm Suran." She completed the handshake. "It's so nice to meet you guys, I've heard a lot. Yoongi really adores you guys."

"Ah, the one featured in your song?" Hoseok asked.

"Yes, her."

Everyone else being so kind and gentle to the first girl in our complete presence carefully shook her hand and said their greetings, introducing themselves to each other. It was nice to see and gave me a little smile to my face. After all the hugs and kisses it was finally time to get to the funeral. They've made the choice to cremate my baby, but still wanted a burial to go to and mourn since he wants his ashes dumped in the ocean, how ironic.

Hopefully this will finish my grief with a proper burial and a celebration to letting go. I never want to let him go and didn't plan to, but he's gone and I can't live my life believing he'll be here to kiss me once again or give me so much happiness on my darkest days. God, I miss him so much.

"Min Yoongi."

My head jerked up to the sudden call of my name coming from the stand. I forgot I volunteered to speak and got lost in my head again. I don't think I can do this without getting vulnerable. Either way, I stood up smiling and headed up there with the white piece of paper spotted with dried tear drops in my back pocket. 

I lifted my head hesitantly to all of these people who were conveniently wearing black, sitting and staring, waiting on me to speak. They probably expected me of all people to have such a vividly, emotionally, and beautiful, well-written speech in my hands. That was completely false when all I had was a pitiful paragraph that would be expected from a 10 year old being introduced to the process of essays. I couldn't think last night and everyone here will be deeply upset and disappointed if they hear everything on this fucked up paper.