Love At Last Sight ✔

Chapter Twenty-Four

Listen to Bad Liar by Imagine Dragons as you read. It matches the situation and it's extraordinarily beautiful. (I'm unable to add the video here.)

***

Nandini Murthy

"Let me go, Manik. We're toxic for each other," I say, my voice small and hurtful. "And in a toxic relationship."

"Please," his pained voice does not change my static expression as I keep staring in the eternal darkness. "Don't say that,"

"It is the truth." A tear falls from my eye. "You can't go on sleeping with whoever you want and think that it'll be fine with me. Because it isn't. It can't be. The very foundation of any relation is trust and we're living in a lie of trust."

"I'm sorry, Nandini," his fragile voice cracks. "I'm so very sorry. I'll do anything to make it up to you,"

"Why did you do it, Manik?" I begin sobbing. "You claimed that you loved me but I was fooled and played with. And I, like an idiot, believed it all and fell for you. I loved you. I truly did."

His hesitant hand reaches out to grab mine as if trying to convey the silent emotions which my eyes lack to carry. I make no attempt to take my hand out of his hold. Maybe I too just wanted something to hold onto because I'm falling deep and I don't know if there's a end to it.

"I did not love you because of your past," my voice is so low I'm afraid he can even hear it. "I did not love you because of what unknown's blood runs in your veins. I honestly don't care." Did he ever love me for me? Or he just claimed to love me because of our similar pasts? Similar situations? Where am I in this?

A tear drops my eye, the pain in my heart being even and even more obvious. "I loved the Manik who watched stars with me and admired them. I loved the Manik who took a calm walk through the waters, holding my hand gently. I loved the Manik who laughed with me, teased me. I loved the Manik protected me without even asking. I loved the Manik who hugged me close to himself when everyone else had left. Heck, I even loved the messed up Manik who'd almost burned us down. But how do I love the one who betrayed my love?"

"Few years back, I was betrayed in one of the worst ways possible by the people who I'd thought were my friends," his grip on my hand subconsciously tightens. "Ever since then, I haven't been able to trust anyone and I've hated lies. I despised myself for keeping the truth from you but, with you, I became selfish. I wanted to keep you all to myself, to have you by my side always."

He intakes a sharp breath to keep his voice from cracking. "Yes, it was your past because of which I felt connected to you but it was you I fell in love with. My problems had been made fun of, I didn't have the power to go through it again. Even though foolish, I tended to believe that the only one who can understand me is the one who's experienced the same. And it was you, Nandini. I-I was so s-selfi—"

He breaks down and his heartbreaking sobs are all that I hear. "I-I can't pretend to be strong anymore. I haven't ever cried but I can't keep this bottled inside of me any longer. Please, Nandini, just listen to me. Although I am far from the perfect man that you deserve, I never intended to c-cheat on you. I-I hate myself for what happened,"

If something else can rule over your body, I let it do so as I slide near him and wrap my one good arm around him. He sounds so. . .broken. I can't ignore it. I love this man, no matter what he did, and hearing him hurt is killing me on the inside. What kind of person would I be if I don't listen to this broken beautiful man who I happen to love? Some things will have to wait. My priority is him.

He tells me everything that has been inside him since years and all the while, I just let his tears soak into my shoulder and keep rubbing his back. Hearing him brings to my own eyes. How he has been betrayed by his own friends, or the way he was forced into sex. He at least said a thousand times that he misses his Gran and how profoundly he regrets treating his mother the way he did. His mother was raped and he blames himself to add to her misery. His fragile heart is all broken and how could I unsee it for so long? He has been suffering and I had been only adding to it when I should have taken it away a long ago.

"After Gran died, I went into depression, used drugs to deal with it. Those three months were so horrible that my conscious doesn't even remember it. The drugs affected my memory badly. But then I realized that Gran would never want me this way and ever since then, I'm seeing a therapist." his sobs are muffled in my shoulder. "I don't want to be this way. I've struggled against the drugs but alcohol and cigarettes have been my only companions in the times of loneliness. I tried but I couldn't get rid of it."

"I indulged myself in business, forgot to live, to love, to be loved. Life wasn't worth it all, at least mine wasn't. After all, I was worse than a bastard." His arms wind tighter around me. "But then I noticed you and your struggle made me realize that life was worth living, however it was, it was the only chance we could ever have. It is worth living."

"I've been trying my best to get better but I always screw up." His hold loosens. "It was Gran's birthday. I was missing him and drinking was my first reflex by now. Plus, the guilt that you lost your vision because of me wasn't helping at all. I'd moreover put you in danger by burning down my room. It was all coming together and the only way to keep it in was to drink. I was wasted when Shruti came," his voice fills with dread before a broken whisper leaves his lips. "And I thought it was you,"

I gasp, my hold on him loosening. As he continues to tell me how his drink was spiked and he didn't realize any of it until it was too late, my tears flow freely. In between his speaking, he apologized to me a thousand times, each time intensifying my tears. Yes, he was mistaken as well but I wasn't the only one betrayed. He was too.

"I know I haven't done anything to deserve you but I was so selfish, Nandini. I wanted a chance at happiness and you were the light I could see on the other end of the dark tunnel," he speaks lowly, his voice throaty because of all the crying. He pulls away from me, his expressions missing. "But not anymore. I can't be selfish anymore, neither can I be what you want me to be. I won't keep you here tied against your will. You are free to leave but I request you to stay here until the treatment. Let me make it up to you. Let me try to give back what was taken away because of me,"'

"It wasn't because of you. The destructive disease is in my genes. You couldn't have done anything to stop it," I say as I reach out to grab his huge hand in mine. "You will let me go but what if I want to stay here, with you, by your side?"

"Y-You want to?" His voice brightens with hope.

"On one condition," I intervene our fingers. "Leave those destructive things which ruined your life. Whenever you feel as if you need them, remember that I'm here, always ready to help you out,"

"I will," his fingers tighten around mine. "But I can't promise for it to happen in one day,"

"Neither I expect it to. I know it's not possible but I know you will do your best,"

"I love you so much." His forehead rests against mine lightly, careful not to pressurize my wound. "Thank you for giving me another chance. I won't ever let you down again, I promise."

"I love you too, Manik. Please don't ever do that again. I won't be able to live,"

"Not even in my worst nightmares,"

We stay silent for a long while until a broken whisper leaves my lips. "Kiss me, Manik." I need assurance and it seems as if he understood that. His soft lips kiss me slowly. It is brief but it meant more than anything ever had. It held a promise, a promise never to be broken.

"Nandini?" He whispers, resting his forehead on mine again. "Have you ever felt the need to have a stable last name?"

"Always," I agree in an instant. "All my life. Nobody ever likes to have their name changed every year. But I wasn't so lucky I guess. I was basically thrown from one foster house to another, a stable last name stopped mattering. But I still wish I had one,"

His voice is low and hesitant. "How does Malhotra sound?"

Startled would define me at that moment. "You don't mea—?" His surprisingly firm, yet soft and hopeful, voice stops me from asking any further. The next conversation goes at a slower pace, each of us relishing the words.

"Nandini?"

"Yes?"

"Will you marry me?"

"Yes."

***

~Can we start over? Before it's over.~
—Imagine Dragons, Start Over.