The thoughts of a million

Conflicts

I'm having a crisis.
Man, oh man, I'm over my head.
A friend of mine has been thinking.
She's been wondering.
Usually,
I'd support all of our decisions...
But I don't know about this one.
She says she's not going to follow through with it...
But I know my friend, and there's a 60% chance she will.
40% chance that she'll keep her word, and won't go.
But I just don't know.
Usually, I have a plan.
A plan for everything.
But this time, I just don't know.
If she were to follow through,
She'd have to know what was to come.
Taxes,
Shelter,
Bills,
Education,
Food,
Water,
And all of the hullabaloo.
This time, I just don't know.
My mind is coming up empty,
I'm out of ideas.
I've raked my brain from A-Z
Looking for some way to help her figure out a different way.
This time, I don't know.
I'm coming up empty handed.
I can't tell my parents, they'll flip.
I can't tell my friends, it's none of their business.
But how is it mine?
What do I have to do with it?
Why did she tell me?
She says she'd been thinking about it for the past few weeks.
She says she won't do it.
But I just don't know.
Will she keep her word?
Will she break it?
I just don't know.
So I pray.
I pray that whatever she chooses to do, she'll know what she signed up for.
I pray that she does the right thing.
Because I know,
That no matter what I say,
I can't make her decisions for her.
I want to help her,
But I just don't know how.
It's scares me, to be honest.
I always know what to do.
I always have thirty back up plans.
I'm the one people turn to for advice.
But who do I turn to?
I'm the one people trust.
But who do I trust?
I'm the one people ask for help.
But who will help me?
I'm the one people turn to for plans.
But who gives me my plans?
My answer to that is God.
When I feel I need it most,
When I feel I don't have anywhere else to turn,
When I feel my world is about to shatter before my eyes,
When I feel I'll collapse if I take another step,
I turn to God.
I pray.
So that's what I'll do.
I'll pray that she'll know what she's doing.
I'll pray that God will help her.
People see me as tough,
Unbeatable,
Brave,
Determined,
Stubborn,
And funny.
I'm the exact opposite.
I'm weak,
I'm beatable,
I'm shy,
I'm only determined because I don't know what will happen if I'm not.
I'm stubborn because I don't know what will happen if I say something that I don't want.
I'm only funny, because I'm trying to beat you to the punch.
If I make you laugh, you won't hurt me.
I'm having a crisis.
Man, oh man, I'm over my head.
But I'll pray.
I'll make it through.
She'll know what to do.
I'm having a crisis.
But it'll be ok.
I know it will.
I need it to be.
Because I don't know what's going to happen if it's not.