Im your girl? Khan.
Heartbeat. Bts.
I l i e d t o m y s e l f.
E v e r y t h i n g y o u s h o w e d m e.
W a s f a k e ?
I pretended not to know. I hated myself for it. I hugged you more than anyone. I wanted you by my side. I gave you all my attention. I did. When it was dark you came to me. I told you it would be alright. When people hated you I loved you more. When they created rumors I choose to be by your side. When you hid. When you choose not to step out of your room. I came. I knocked. I waited.
D o y o u w a n t t o b u i l d a s n o w m a n ?
At the end you would open up. And it hurt me. Your breathtaking eyes red. Your long beautiful hair messed up.
It hurt me Jen.
It always did. I stayed strong to support mostly you. Rose would help but it was not enough. Jisoo would help it worked. I felt jealous the first years. Jisoo knew how to help you. How to make you smile. How to make you smile. I was jealous. At first i didnt know why.
Why did i feel such thing.
When you smiled at me. When you held my hand. When you winked. When you teased. How did that happend. How did I feel butterflys. I didnt know what that meant till that year. I was always nervous on stage but that didnt describe why i felt that way. It was not even a percent close how i felt. Blackpink house started months later. I remember debating. You said you didnt want to share a room with me. But this was a private conversarion. Rose said she would switch Jisoo said you could share with her. I stayed quite.
You didnt even glance at me. I didnt want to say nothing anymore. Why would you not want to share. Did you hate me. Then Rose hugged me. She really was my best friend.
This was a position i didnt like.
Sure I liked having your attention but when you were mad. I didnt dare to fight you.
"Lisa do you want to be my room mate?" Rose asked. I smiled. Having the same room would be fun. We could party. We could stay up. We could be old 18, 19 teenagers. That would be fun. My smile got bigger. I didnt care for now. Rose as a roommate would be fun. I did felt slighly jealous for Jisoo but who could not say no to her. But before I can answer you opened your mouth.
You smiled at me. It was your gummy smile. The one I feel in love with. Next thing you know we did a V-live. It was the most fun i had with you. When you were in front of the camera you were shy. You werent that cold person. You were the sweet one. It was exciting. I even got a kiss in the cheeks when we finished.
You said you didnt want to sleep alone even if our beds were only inches away.
We snuggled. I stroked your back. You had your head above my chest. I was dying. I didnt know what to expect and before I could say anything else. You talked. We talked about your past. I felt a shame. I thought I knew you. I thought I knew all your secrets. Guess I was wrong.
Then The tears came. I wanted to cry with you. But instead. I brought you closer. I told everthing would be okay. We would make it. We would. I made jokes. Even if it made no sense you still laughed. I adored you voice. Everything about you was the only thing I wanted.
Everything. The only thing that had me awake was what you said last before falling alseep.
"Lisa"
"Mhm"
"Promise me to love me. Dont let me go Lisa. Stay by my side"
I kissed your forehead. Never forgetting my promise. I smiled for you. I loved you more then anyone out there. More then your own parents Jennie.
I had that same question asked.
Over and over
I f y o u w e r e a g u y w h o w o u l d d a t e?
I laughed at myself. It was true my style was different. Big shirts. Boxers. Black. Sports. Big jeans. Hoodies. Lots of them. It was who I was. I wanted to be protected. But I also wanted to protect someone. I wanted too. I really did.
L i m a r i o
O p p a l i s a
O p p a.
Jennie. You didnt even know how crazy you drove me when you called me like that. The answer was always you. I wished to date Jennie Ruby Jane Kim.
I wanted you. I wanted to propose to you right there. But I didnt dare to. I was afraid. After all I wasn't a guy.
I held your hand when you got pushed. I made sure you were okay because i knew you didnt like being shuffled around. There was the flashes. Here there. Right left. Everywhere. My dreams came true after years they came true. But also yours came true. You didnt like when I made fun of your height. You got mad. Your puffy mandu cheeks would turn red. The cutest thing ever. I loved it. I loved you. You would get mad but I loved you. No one would change that. I knew you loved me too but it was not the love I wanted.
You teased me for my fake hair. My bangs. My legs. My eyes. My stupidness. My cute voice. And anything else I was. But I still loved you.
Even if it hurts.
Then the tours came.
You acted different
It was our 2018 tour. You smiled more. You were clingy. You played with my hair more. You like my legs?
"Lisa. You wanna know something"
I didnt say anything i was to busy texting my parents. We shared a room. Not the same bed but you decided to sleep with me.
"Lisa are you paying attention"
Its not that I was not. It was my parents. I missed them.
"I said do you want to know a secret"
"Jennie. Please don't, not now. I don't really care. Your secrets are yours. Im texting my parents" I didnt mean it to soud harsh but it did. I was tired. Afraid. Why was she acting like this.
You didnt say nothing else. You snatched it. Threw it somewhere. I freaked out. What was wrong with this woman. It my parents. Family first. I got up to look for it. Did it break? Does she know how expensive that is. But before I could move another muscle you pulled me.
Your eyes. They seem to be saying something else.
