Destiny.

u

-from this chapter on is not edited-

Jimin. Jimin. Jimin.

I opened my eyes slowly, the first thing seeing was a white ceiling. My vision was blurry at first, and strangely I felt so tired.

"Jungkook!" I heard a feminine voice in my right so I turned my head slightly to see my mother standing quickly from her seat to sit on the edge of the bed I'm laying in. "You're awake."

I raised an eyebrow then scanned what I was wearing, a blue hospital gown. The room was simple, white walls, a couch of black leather below the windows, overlooking probably the hall. The bed I was laying in wasn't comfortable as my bed is, but it's no problem for me. In my left, was an anaesthetic machine from where a beeping sound was coming, and some of its cables were attached along my arm.

And then everything came back to me, the tears, water red of blood, me breaking the bathroom's mirror, cutting my wrist, and.. I don't know what happened next.

I shut my eyes and let out a sigh before opening them to look at the deep stratches in my wrist. I used to cut my wrists back ago, but I never told anyone about it. My mom nor Minhyuk never found out about them. But now that they're all visible and ugly since the gown is sleeveless, and how my mother is gulping hardly every time she looks at them, doesn't make it any better.

"Are you okay? I mean, how do yoy feel?" She asked, resting her hands on her tighs.

"I feel tired, and a bit dizzy. But it's okay I guess." I replied with a neutral face, trying my best to keep tears from falling down.

"Jung-... why did you do this?" She asked again, gulping nervously and staring at my arm.

"I don't know." I tried covering my wounds with my left hand, but it didn't help because they were on my whole arm. And i've never felt more exposed as I do now.

"What type of answer is that? I.. Do you know how it feels to hear that your son tried commiting suicide?" She raised her voice a little bit, but soon started shaking her head and let out a sniff.

"You do realise that I've done anything I could to please you. I know that you're living a hard life. You think that I don't? I know so well the relationship you had with your dad and I'm very aware that it's still hard for you even if two years passed. Do you really think I forgot about him? He's my first love, Jungkook. My first and ever love, you remember how much I was happy with him, how much we were all happy with each other." She added, tears escaping her eyes as her face became all red.

"I loved your dad very much and still love him. But that's not how life works. When you'll grow up, you'll understand that. If I didn't marry Minyuk, what would I be then huh? A freaking beggar? I just wanted to make us happy just like we were before, before your father left and the sun left with him, leaving us alone to the rainy days. Also, I didn't want to invade your privacy, I wanted to make you feel free, that's why I wasn't even visiting your room. But in the same time, I couldn't help but be worried for you, I don't want you to not study and end up like me Jungkook, always depending on someone to live. I want you to chase your dreams and fight for them, until you get them."

We were both crying, I don't remember having these types of discussions with my mother since a long time ago. And I feel sorry, sorry that I couldn't make her happy like she wanted to be, that I couldn't be happy like she wanted me to be. I hate that she has to see my cuttings, my marks at school and my shitty behavior. I hate how I didn't make her proud of me.