We Meet Again | e.d

F I F T E E N

Ethan's P.O.V

She's single?
Yes!
-No?

I don't know what to think of Xylie being newly single again. Of course I never stopped loving her, but maybe she stopped loving me? I mean I was a dick to her when we were seeing each other. I should just talk to her.

"So..." I start, but to my surprise don't end up finishing.

"What do you wanna say?" She asks, slightly shocking me.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Come on Ethan. I know you. Whenever you start a conversation with 'so...' you either have a question or want something." She looks at me as I stand there dumbfounded but quickly recover.

"I um, I guess this time it's kind of both a question and something I want but, now that I think of it - now isn't really the time. You'll know; but my timing's really off. I don't even know what I'm saying..." I start rambling, "...or why I'm so afraid to even be having this conversation. What I'm trying to say is that I know you've forgiven me for what I did to you and why I couldn't tell you why I did it. I did what I did because Demi threatened me with you and the twins. I knew you were gonna get hurt but I knew what she was capable of and I knew she had her reasons to harm you, even though they weren't just. I just thought that it was safer for me to," I swallow as I begin to silently cry, "sleep with her and break your heart, what she wanted, than to risk whatever the hell she was planning to do to you and the twins. I couldn't let anything happen to them, or you. She made me swear not to tell you and I know this would be a sad excuse, so I'm not trying to excuse myself. I just wanted you to know. I never wanted to or intended to hurt you, but in the moment I panicked and I did and for that I really am sorry. I really did love you; when you left I lost myself."

As a single tear ran down her cheek, she engulfed me into a rather tight embrace; letting out a sigh of what I can only assume would be relief, she kissed one of my tear-stained cheeks and left the room.

Even though at this very moment I had no reason to feel guilty, I did, and I don't know why. I had mixed emotions. It was like I had been washed in guilt, filled with regret - but there was a quiddity of some sort of emotion that I couldn't identify. After all this time, almost six years since the biggest mistake of my life, you have the means to tell me I can't even understand my own fucking feelings?

Fuck sake.

I'm twenty-one years old, I have two almost six-year-old sons and feelings that never left for someone so special that even though I'm a grown man I cower under the reminder of being fifteen and in love with my best friend, unable to tell her. This feels like high school, it really does.

I need some sort of happy distraction, a form of joy, even if it lasts for a second. Wow. I'm an idiot, I'm a father.

I wanna play with my sons.

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Author's note: Okay so I know it's been a hell of a long time and this is a depressingly short part but just take a sec... HAVE MY WRITING SKILLS IMPROVED OR WHAT?!