Tory Potter and the Pathological Liar

The Letters

"Suspicious" was the first word that came to mind as Harry and I were finally released from the cupboard.

The escape of the Brazilian boa constrictor earned us our longest-ever punishment. By the time we were allowed out of the cupboard again, the summer holidays had started.

Dudley had already broken his new video camera. He crashed his remote controlled airplane. Worst of all, the first time our on his racing bike, he had knocked down old Mrs. Figg as she crossed Privet Drive on her crutches.

Harry and I were glad school was over, but there was no escaping Dursley gang, who visited every single day.

Piers, Dennis, Malcolm, and Gordon were all big and stupid, but as Dudley was the biggest and stupidest of the lot, he was the leader. The rest of them were quite happy to join in Dudley's favorite sport: Potter Hunting.

That was why Harry and I spent as much time as possible out of the house, wandering around and thinking about the end of the holiday days, where we could see a tiny ray of hope. When September came, we would be going off to secondary school, and, for the first time in our lives, we shouldn't be with Dudley.
Dudley had been accepted at Uncle Vernon's old private school, Smeltings. Piers Polkiss was going there too.

Harry and I, on the other hand, were going to Stonewall High, the local public school.

Dudley thought that was very funny. "They stuff people's heads down the toilet the first day at Stonewall," he told us, "Want to come upstairs and practice?"

"No, thanks," I replied quickly.

"The poor toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it. It might get sick," Harry continued, not even batting an eyelash. He then grabbed my wrist and took off before Dudley could work out what he said.

One day in July, Aunt Petunia took Dudley to London to buy his Smeltings uniform, leaving Harry and I at Mrs. Figg's.

The poor old lady wasn't as lively as usual. Apparently, she'd broken her leg tripping over one of her cats, and she didn't seem quite as fond of them as before. She let us watch television and gave us a bit of chocolate cake that tasted as though she'd had it for several years.

That evening, Dudley paraded around the living room for the family in his brand-new uniform. Smeltings' boys wore maroon tailcoats, orange knickerbockers, and flat straw hats called boaters. They also carried knobbly sticks, used for hitting each other while the teachers weren't looking. That was supposed to be good training for later in life.

As he looked at Dudley in his new knickerbockers, Uncle Vernon said gruffly that it was the proudest moment of his life.

Aunt Petunia burst into tears and said she couldn't believe it was her Ickle Dudleykins, he looked so handsome and grown-up.

Harry didn't say anything, but his body convulsed every once in a while, and his cheeks puffed out. He was clearly trying to hold in his laughter.

I was too, to be perfectly honest. I thought Dudley looked ridiculous.

The next morning, there was a horrible smell in the kitchen when Harry and I went in for breakfast. It seemed to be coming from a large metal tub in the sink.

Harry went for a look, but I decided I didn't want to get closer to the smell. "What's this?"

Aunt Petunia's lips tightened as they always did when Harry or I asked a question. "You're new school uniform."

Harry looked down at the bowl. "Oh. I didn't realize it had to be so wet."

"Don't be stupid," Aunt Petunia snapped, "I'm dyeing some of Dudley's old things grey for you. It'll look just like everyone else's when I've finished."