A broken soul (Saeyoung X Reader)

15- Rowan

(Another flashback! Just wanted to make sure you knew ^^)

It had been a week since she jumped off the roof at 10;43am in period 2 history class. Since then we've had multiple assemblies rambling about suicide prevention, mental health help, and all that shit they're required to say by law. The toughest one to go through was when the whole school was gathered in the main hall and Rowan's "passing" was announced. There was a moment of silence, a small speech from her favourite teacher. He was her english teacher and they always took the piss out of each other which was refreshing because he cared about us as a class not just as a way to make money.

They'd asked me what her favourite song was and I honestly couldn't tell them straight away it changed almost every other day. In the end I decided on Arose by Eminem. She was a massive fan of him despite our dad telling us we were to young to listen to him.

A couple of students around me cried, others whispered to each other. I knew the gossip was inevitable but it made my blood boil. How dare you talk shit about the one person in my life who cared about me. How very fucking dare they. The headteachers head hung low and Mr Hackley, the English teacher, cried silently; my heart hurt for him. He was like a mentor for Rowan. He believed in her so much and saw so much potential in her.

I on the other hand sat on the edge of the 4th row emotionless. I felt nothing. I heard nothing. I was nothing. Who would I be without the one person I cared for. My own sister. My family. My best friend.

My only friend.

The girl next to me, India I think her name was let out heavy sobs, aside from me she was Rowan's best friend. I hadn't spoken to her much but she seemed sweet enough from the way Rowan talked about her. Right now I saw a new side of her, around school she was cheerful and bouncy. Always wore cute skirts with little jumpers, small boots and her long light pink hair sat on her shoulders in curly waves.

"I didn't even know she was hurting" the words came out as a whisper but I knew they were directed at me. "If I'd have known I'd have done something to save her. I'd have tried to do something." Her appearance was different today. She wore he hair pinned up in scruffy bun, almost as if she hadn't brushed it in weeks. A dark grey striped jumper hung off her small frame, it was at least three sizes to big and shorts and tights to accompany it.

I felt every bit of pain she poured out of her puffy eyes and her cracked lips. Every last word tore away parts of my heart.

"Nobody knew." I spoke gently as to not start up her uncontrollable sobbing again "There was nothing more any of us could do" she looked up to me, water welling at the sides of her eyes. I turned up a half broken smile as best as I could bring myself to do.

'Smile my dear''

'I'm trying, can't you see that? It's so hard, why did you have to leave.'

India pressed her head into my shoulder and let out her waterfall of tears, I tensed up but quickly Shook myself out of it and rubbed her shoulder.

"It's okay, she'd want us to smile, she'd want you to smile"

"Y-you're right" she sighed wiping her tears away "It should be me comforting you, she was your sister this must be so hard for you" her eyes were soft her words followed suit with that.

I looked down at my hands, and for the first time since the day she died I let the water flow silently from my face. I wanted to scream. I wanted to run away out of this god damn hall.

"If you don't mind me asking" she paused waiting for my response, I nodded softly "some students said they heard her say something to you before she... passed. What did she say?"

I looked up into India's green eyes and smiled again.

"Smile my dear, sad is ugly on you"

"Oh"

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This is a flashback so I couldn't figure out what else to write about the situation. I really like writing the flashbacks I hope you like reading them! Until next time I guess! 💕