Star Gazers [BXB] [COMPLETED]

Addiction

"Fuck," Jason muttered under his breath as he paced back and forth through the limited space of the tree house. I sat on the bed as I watched him with worried eyes.

His hands were fidgety, I noticed. He was alternating between combing his fingers through his hair, rubbing his face, and curling his hands into fists. 

"You seem tense," I pointed out, trying to act light hearted even though it killed me seeing him so distraught.

He grumbled something else under his breath but I couldn't tell what it was. 

Having seen enough, I stood up and blocked his path so he would stop pacing. He looked at me and I could see a whole world of conflict swirling around behind his bright blue irises. 

"What's the matter?"

He shook his head, looking away from me. 

"Jason," I tried again when he didn't answer right away. 

He looked up at me again, his eyes holding a slightly irritated look. I could tell he wasn't irritated with me though, so that was a relief.

"I'm addicted to cigarettes and I'm not allowed to have any." He huffed in frustration.

"Oh." Understanding went through me then. His body was craving a cigarette but his mind was telling him no. He was at war with himself. "Is there anything I can do to help?" I asked worriedly.

Jason shook his head again. "Just don't let me smoke anything."

He started pacing again and I simply leaned against the wall as I watched him. 

I started thinking about everything I knew about addictions. 

From what I understood, it was like a compulsion, or a programmed response to do something. That and it was very hard to break that compulsion. I knew there was more to it, but at a base level, it was the inability to stop engaging in certain behaviors. 

"I have an idea," I said suddenly, even though I hadn't completed the thought. 

Jason looked at me curiously, but continued to pace. 

"You're craving nicotine right now, right?"

He didn't respond, but I knew he was still listening to me.

"Well what if every time you feel that craving, instead of reaching for a cigarette, you program a better, less harmful response into your system."

"Like what?" he asked.

I shrugged. I hadn't really though that far yet. "Something that helps get your mind off that craving, I guess. Maybe candy, or singing, or... I don't know, I didn't really think this through."

Jason paused in thought for a moment before he turned back to face me. "I think I might know what I could do."

"Really? What?" I asked in curiosity.  

A smirk tugged at the edges of Jason's lips as he stepped closer and brought his lips to mine. 

I blushed scarlet as he dragged my bottom lip between his teeth. My stomach was fluttering and there was this odd sensation of cold that spread throughout my body. It was almost like the feeling that came with dread or panic, but I wasn't panicking. Well, maybe a little, but it wasn't in a bad way. It was like my insides were too heavy, and then too light. Like I might start floating at any moment. 

I pushed myself closer to him, elevating myself slightly on my toes so we had a better angle to work with. I wrapped my arms around his neck and played with the ends of his feather soft black hair. 

A grumbling sound rose from his chest as he deepened the kiss, pressing himself closer to me so that I was pinned between his body and the wall. This tingling fire sensation overtook me as I realized how close he was to me, and just how much of his body I could feel against my own.

I was okay like that for a little bit, but when I realized I couldn't really move, my whole body turned to ice and fear clouded my mind. I turned my head away from him, breaking the kiss, and started to gasp for more breath than I should have needed. Memory and reality flashed in and out of focus as I tried not to hyperventilate. 

"Cole? Cole! Breathe!" I heard Jason's voice but all I could see was green eyes. I felt hands on my shoulders and flinched away from them, but thankfully, it was all I needed for the image of my angel to come back into focus. I gulped, focusing on inhaling and exhaling slowly as I stared into beautiful electric blue eyes. "Shit. What happened?"

"I'm sorry," I could feel tears pooling in my eyes, making his figure become blurry. I furiously blinked my eyes, trying to clear up my vision so I could actually see him and the concern he was exuding. "I just... I felt... trapped... and I..."

Understanding dawned in his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Cole. I didn't mean to trigger your bad memories."

I shook my head. "It's not your fault."

"I won't touch you again, I swear," he said, already backing away from me with a panicked look at the prospect that he had somehow hurt me.

"No," I said a little too quickly as I stepped towards him again. I didn't like the distance he was creating. "I don't want you to stop, I just..." I didn't know how to explain it, and judging by the worried look that was still plastered all over his face, he didn't know what I was trying to say either. 

Blinking a couple times in thought, I looked back up at him before hesitantly reaching up and putting my hands on his upper arms. Then, wordlessly, I moved him until he stood where I had and gently pushed him so he was now the one with his back against the wall. 

He looked down at me with uncertainty as I exhaled slowly and looked back up into his eyes.

"Like this," I explained, putting my arms around his neck again. I looked into his eyes for a moment before gingerly reaching up to place my lips on his. 

I felt like I needed to have at least a little bit of control. I needed the option to run if I had to.

Jason seemed to understand as he kissed me back gently, his hands went just above my hips instead of wrapping around me.    

He didn't deepen the kiss this time. I think he was afraid to, but that was okay. For now, I was content with just this. I pulled away after a few moments and asked, "So you're just going to kiss me every time you need a cigarette now?" 

"If you're okay with that," he said as if I was made out of glass and his voice was enough to make me shatter into a million pieces if he spoke too loudly. 

I nodded, placing a small kiss on his cheek before resting my head on his shoulder. "I am."

I'm sorry. 

I thought. 

I'm sorry I'm so broken. 

×××

A/N

*peeks through curtains*

*whispers*

Are the readers still alive?

*runs as they round the street corner with pitchforks because I haven't updated in literally forever*

I'M SORRY MY PEOPLE! EDITING A BOOK IS TIME CONSUMING! I FINALLY GOT A LITTLE BIT OF A BREAK SO I FORCED MYSELF TO REREAD THIS STORY (which I forgot is pretty dope *high fives self*) AND WRITE AN UPDATE!

Anywho, here you go... *throws chapter to angry mob*

How've you been my dudes?

I'm going to be 19 pretty soon, that's pretty crazy...

Oh! I used to do questions on here for you guys too... hmmmmmm... 

What's your idea of a perfect date?

Thanks for the read!

-Anon