The NEW Dragon Queen (Acnologia x Reader) (DISCONTINUED)

I Really Need Advice Please Help

Hi there. I know I said it would be the end of the book, but this is honestly the only way I can get advice, so please read this.

I just started high school. I get to meet new people and that's great I guess. But, today was just not my day. I feel like I'm getting more and more depressed. I wasn't that depressed before, heck I wouldn't even consider I was depressed. But something happened today that made me honestly feel depressed.

So, here's one thing that made me sad. I had ELA, and I sit in front of my old crush. I absolutely HATE sitting in front of my old crush but it's whatever. Me and him used to be friends in 7th grade, but not anymore. Something changed. So the bell was about to ring, and I told my old crush that he should pack up, because he was doing homework or whatever. He said this, "I know that. Now stop bothering me and go bother someone else." All I was trying to do was help so he wouldn't be late for his next class, is that so bad?

I really shouldn't care that much but think about it, wouldn't it hurt even a little bit to hear that from your old crush? It hurt a lot actually. It felt like he hated me, which I think he does, but idk.

Another thing, near the end of the day during my Geometry class, I recognized this girl that I KNOW, did baseball or something like that, so I asked just in case because I didn't want to seem stupid and start talking about baseball all of a sudden. I asked if she is playing baseball this year. She said, "no...." and looked away from me like I was some disgusting monster. Oh and also, I think her so called friends also looked disgusted at me. And that really just made me more depressed.

I know I'm making a big deal and such, but I had just recently started getting better with my suicidal thoughts or my depression, but I'm REALLY sensitive. I feel like everybody hates me. I have friends, actually a good amount of friends, but honestly, I still feel hated.

I know I'm not the skinniest person in the world, or the prettiest person in the world, but why look at me like I'm the ugliest thing you have ever seen? Or act like I keep bothering you? I have been pretty quite except in one class that I have my best guy friend in, but that's in a completely different class.

I feel like since people judge me for how I look, I'm so insecure about myself and compare myself to others. Why couldn't I be skinnier? Why couldn't I be prettier? Why couldn't I be more likeable to others? It hurts me so much and I don't know what to do. One day I will break, but I don't want to give up on my life yet. I want to continue going, but is it worth it when I always feel hated?

I know people will always hate people for no reason, and I should accept that, but it hurts still, especially since I'm pretty sensitive. It also doesn't help that I have to present something called, "All About Me" and I can't stress this enough, I HATE TAKING PICTURES OF MYSELF. And the fact that my teacher is making me put a picture of myself on a big screen and present it to others? It's a short presentation sure, but I'm so insecure about myself. It's especially hard because in that class I have that old crush that probably hates me, and some other guys that i was friends with.

I'm so nervous and insecure, and I don't know what to do. The presentation is a grade, but I don't know if I can do it. I want to talk to the teacher about the fact that I'm insecure, but she only just met me, and is doing this presentation to get to know me.

I don't know if I should talk to the counselor because they might call my parents saying I'm too insecure or should need a therapist for my depression. But I don't want my parents to spend more money on me for a therapist. I also feel like the counselor might say, "you have to accept you need to present because in the future, you will do a lot more presenting probably." I don't mind presenting but the fact that I need to show a picture of myself is the problem. And if the teacher that is making me present say, "oh you can just not add a picture of yourself or use a group photo," I would be too embarrassed being the only one without a picture of themselves.

So this is where I need your help. Should I talk to my counselor about this? I just feel like either way, I'm gonna have to present because it's for a grade, but idk. This is just a horrible time for me and a horrible start to high school. I wish for my old counselor back in middle school because I personally knew that counselor, and trusted her 100%. But I don't know about this counselor.

I haven't even met the counselor yet, but I'm scared. What if my old counselor in middle school was just biased towards me? (highly doubt it). I'm so ugly and I hate how I look, that I sometimes (but very rarely) feel like if I kill my self maybe if I ever get reborn to a new person, maybe I would be skinnier or prettier.

Please, please help me. I don't know what to do. I'm honestly crying just writing this. I don't know what to do anymore... please help