The NEW Dragon Queen (Acnologia x Reader) (DISCONTINUED)

Doubting Myself...

Hey guys... I know I haven't updated in a little while, and I did start creating the next chapter, but the thing is, about 4 days ago, I started to doubt myself.

When I was at school, during lunch this dude decided to call me fat in his own conversation, then my best guy friend who was friends with this dude, decided to tell me I was fat, and then he started laughing.

I just want to let you guys all know, I am very self conscious about my weight, so that coming from my best guy friend, really hurt me. It's already enough that I was laughed at by my class about something I didn't do, and now my best guy friend says something. 

And on my way back from lunch, the dude that first said I was fat, decided to call me a faggot, which really hurt me. I just want to let you know, I am a female, and he knows I am straight (there is nothing wrong with gay people). Not only that, at the beginning of the year, when he kept insulting me, I tried to tell on him for insulting me, but then he called me a snitch, which really hurt. Is it so bad to tell on someone for insulting me? Are you kidding me?

Also, who I thought WAS my guy best friend, I have been ignoring, decided to ask me what he did wrong, and I really got mad. Since I didn't want to be mean, even though he called me fat, I just walked away. Now, he keeps annoying me asking what he did wrong, and I keep ignoring him. 

Here's the thing. Guys in my school, say some very rude things to girls, and then they think they did nothing wrong. Well, they are wrong. Your just helping them lead to suicide, and nobody wants that. 

I have already known this, but I think the majority of the people at my school, don't like me. I have a lot of friends and all, but even the nicest guy I know (or so I thought), didn't try to say anything, and just let them say what they want about me. 

This really doesn't help me. It makes me think I'm not good enough, or I am never loved. I know I don't have a skinny body, or isn't extremely athletic (I'm just average at sports), doesn't mean I'm any different. I have a life to you know, and it really makes me feel worthless. It makes me want to starve myself so I can lose weight, will that make people feel better? That I starve myself?

I've told my friends this story, and they try to tell me that I am not fat and I should be happy about my weight, but really, I'm not. Why can't I be skinny? I used to be skinny and have lots of friends, so why can't that happen now. The only thing that's different is that I'm fatter. Whenever, I look at my body, I just think, "why can't I be like the skinny people? Popular, and is usually never hated by anybody?" But the world I guess just doesn't like me. 

Of course, I'm not going to commit suicide. But, stuff like this can lead me to commit suicide in the future. Maybe then, I can stop crying for Jonghyun and join him in heaven. Or maybe I should live in this sick world, that is called Earth. I'm not even sure anymore.

Am I really that fat? Am I really that ugly that nobody likes me? Should I just starve myself to turn skinny? Should I workout like crazy so I pass out? Should I get surgery so I can remove my weight?  All these questions are always stuck in my head. I don't even know what to do anymore. I'm sorry everybody if you had to read this, I hope you have a better day then I'm having, and is having fun instead of doubting themselves like what I'm doing. Bye...