Metanoia / H.S #Wattys2015

Chapter One ▶ Teenage Wasteland.

" I've been along this lonely road looks like I'm not coming home but I don't mind, please don't cry."

Audrey's pov

Once we were all happy wrapped up in our simple lives and shielded from the dangers that are out in the real world, but we grew up and that's when we stop believing in fairy tales and happily ever afters and we're struck by reality. With the demons in our minds and fear of never being loved, we try to run, but everywhere we go we'll just find ourselves. So we give up , let the darkness take over our minds and bodies and wait till it leaves us with scars as a reminder of all we couldn't handle in our past.

My story isn't too different from all this, I didn't wait; instead I took the matter in my own hands. I tried to find my way to a better place but through the darkness I could not see the path to light, so I took the jump and I flew away whispering "I give up, show me the light."

The car ride was painfully silent, the only noise filling the car being the raindrops falling on the roof and my father's sighing every now and then. I just wanted to get out , run away , just like I'm always running away for someone or something. We're heading to the Southern rehabilitation centre, the brochure says there are a lot of different people with different reasons; people with an eating disorder , people with a great amount of depression , addicts and people like me who are there for a variety of reasons.

Suddenly my mother pulls into a dirty road, orange and red leaves cover the ground, as if they were put there by an artist creating this overwhelming masterpiece. And I feel the need to step out of the car and let these leaves make me feel again, let the warm colors burn my insides and melt all the broken pieces together. But just as real life the road ends, taking it's momentarily feeling of being alive with him.

My feet are dragging me towards the entrance, the fear of being left here fresh in my mind. Inside, the walls are grey and dusty, the paint has chipped off and I'm sure that if I hadn't been depressed already I sure as hell would've been now. A small , older woman walks towards us, her long skirt swaying with every step she takes. She shakes my mother's hand and then turns to me: " You must be Audrey?" I nod, not in de mood for in a small talk since I soon will be left here in this hell hole. The woman introduces herself as Jeanne and tells me she's here to show me my room while my mom fills in some last paperwork. "I know you probably think we don't care about you here but we do, we just want you to know that you have potential to make beautiful things." I look at the woman right beside me and I just want to scream at her that she's wrong, because she doesn't know how it feels, how hard it is to wake up every morning knowing you're this worthless piece of shit. How the emptiness inside you keeps growing till it eats you alive taking your body and soul with it. It's not that just being here will help me, it's just easier for them, for my parents, so they don't have to put up with my crazy behaviour anymore and they can live their lives without me ruining it for them. Jeanne stops, opening a large wooden door signalling for me to go inside.

The room looks cosy, so different from the rest of the building; the walls are painted a soft yellow colour, there's a four poster bed in the middle of the room and a cute desk in front of the large window. " This will be you room until you leave, if there's something wrong or you want to switch rooms you can always contact me. Even though the room is beautiful I can't help but feel mad at my parents for abandoning me. " You can goodbye to you parents now if you want to?"

Saying goodbye to my parents was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my short life. It's the learning to live without them , to live with the emptiness that's left in my heart when I see them leave that makes it even more difficult to not run up to them and hold them so they can't leave me alone. " We're doing this for your own good, sweetie." My mom whispers in my ear and I hear her chocking back tears, because even though she's leaving her only daughter behind, even though it kills her to do this, she tries to stay strong for me. " I'm so sorry mom, I'm so sorry that I put you and dad through this, I promise that I'll get better." And I know that's easier said than done, and I know she knows that too, but she and dad simply hold me in their arms as we cry silent tears, the tears of our goodbye.