Metanoia / H.S #Wattys2015

Chapter Seven ▶ Meet me in the pale moonlight.

"We are all wandering the earth alone, longing to be longed for."

Audrey's pov

It's been him, it's been him for the past few weeks. It's been him at 2AM when I couldn't sleep and I couldn't find comfort in the dark nights. It's been him when mike died and it felt as if my world had been shatterd. And I know it's not just a physical attraction, it's the way he makes me feel needed that makes me admire every single thing he is. All the words he speaks, the way he walks, the way he laughs it's something that will never die. And that is something that terrifies me, to let someone in and let them see you, like actually see you. The black corners of your soul, all of your darkest secrets, because they might run away with them and never come back. So you try so hard not to feel anything but I just can't anymore, I can't.

I'm heading to the first group session in weeks, the halls that once seemed so depressing and cold now hold a certain warmth and comfort. The room is filled with people, there is only one seat left directly across the one that reminds us of the cruel reality behind the doors of our save haven.

Caroline sits next to me, I follow her gaze, her eyes are fixed on the open spot that once held her entire world. "I want to hate him for giving up on me, for giving up on us, on all we had. For leaving me when I needed him the most, for breaking all the trust I had in him, but I cant." There's a silence, some sort of unspoken understanding between the two of us.

Max steps foreward to start the session when the door opens revealing a young guy I've never seen before. His dirty blonde hair pushed back with a dark blue bandana, green brown eyes scan the room and I hear Caroline take in a sharp breath next to me when he takes place on the only seat left.

Feelings of sadness and betrayal fill my body and maybe it's selfish but I can't shake it of. "You can't sit there." The guy looks up obviously frustrated by my behavior. "Excuse me ?" "Audrey let's not make a problem about this, it's the only seat left", Max speaks up. I know he's right but it isn't fair, it isn't fair that he's gone and everyone is going on with their lifes while the three of us are stuck in this personal hell with no exit in sight. And I know I'm not alone in this because soon Caroline speaks up to.

"Yes there's one seat left, but it is his seat Max and it fucking hurts, while you all go on I'm back at the start. I have no one left because my only family, my hope and my entire life is gone and the only thing you do is replace him like he's some worthless piece of shit." Max tries to calm her down but there's no use. So she runs, she runs away from all the hurt in hope to forget about the reason why and I am with her, just like I always will be.

Harry's pov

Harry,

I know you probably don't want to hear from me at all but your father told me about how hard it has been for you. I need you to know that when I left all these years ago I left for a reason, not because my love for you wasn't strong enough my boy. I hope you'll understand some day and contact me whenever you're ready.

All of my love ,
mom.

"FUCK." Little pieces of paper fall down on the blue carpet from where I tore the letter apart. For years I've drank away my sorrows, desperately trying to fill up the emptiness inside and all because she left. No last goodbye, no letter, only a scared little boy left with nothing but the sadness and guilt that's taking over his body and soul. Now she's back, but I'll never forget the months that turned into years when I wouldn't see her. And people like me won't come back when you say goodbye.

Audrey's pov

I knew something was wrong when I didn't see him in our group session today, but I didn't think he'd be like this when I opened his door. He's sitting on the edge of his bed, head burried in his hands. "Are you okay ?" "I'm fine you can go." I sigh sitting down next to him while taking his hands in mine. "Please don't push me away Harry, I need you." He runs his hands through his hair, a thing I've noticed he only does when he's nervous or frustrated. Before he stands up walking towards the window, turning around to look at me. "It's only this stupid fucking letter she send me today, she left when I was little and now she's back."

I can see the hurt in his eyes and that's when I realise we're all damaged, some of us just hide it better than others. So I walk up to him closing my eyes, trying to heal all his pain when he takes my face between his hands. His lips crash against mine and he teasingly runs his tongue over them. A moan escapes my throat as he grabs my bum, lifting me before pushing me up against the wall.

Our tongues battle for dominance and I've never felt so alive before. His lips leave mine and I whimper at the loss of contact. I feel him leaving hot wett kisses down my throat before biting down, making me pull his curly hair in responce. A deep moan escapes his lips and I do it again earning the same reaction before pulling away, both gasping for air.

"What are we doing Audrey ?" His voice is raspy and holds a certain urgency in it.

"I-I don't know." I try to look away but green eyes meet mine, begging me to tell the truth, to make an end to all this hurt. "You're lying and you know it." I know he's right. But I'm scared for he is this beautiful masterpiece, a complicated mystery that knows how to make the girls cry and I'm this plain broken girl afraid to love again.

"I can't do this Harry. It's not what I feel for you it's what I don't feel for anyone but you. I can't give you the power to hurt me because if you do I don't think I'll ever love again. " I've ran again and I know it never brought me anywhere, but this time is different because not only didn't it bring me anything it caused me to lose everything the minute he turned around and left without saying a word.

AN: I'm sorry I didn't update for a long time bc of school. Hope you liked it and please comment and vote to make my day :)

P.s I dedicate this chapter to @Somewhere_New my little sister and my best friend @PerfectBalanced thank you for all the support and positive comments, love you guys xx