Metanoia / H.S #Wattys2015

Chapter Five ▶ Cruel World.

"Take me to the time when things were all fine, they're broken now."

Audrey's pov

I knew it was all wrong the moment Jeanne came in when we were having a group session, her rushed steps and panicked look on her face told me something was going on right away. But never had I expected this, the words still lingering in my mind: "Get your stuff something bad has happend."

The car ride was silent, nobody dared to talk, grey clouds are dominating the sky it's like the gods above know something we don't and they're playing their own little game with us. I want to know what's going on the fear of losing someone else in my life is taking over my entire body and I have to bite my lip to keep myself from crying and harry probably noticed since I feel his trembeling hands on mine as we start this long journey to the unknown.

We arrive in front of a huge grey building, graffiti decorating the entire side of it. Nobody tells us what's going on instead we're taken inside, the walls are grey and dusty there are no windows and the floor is crooked making this horrible sound with every step we take. My heart sinks at the sight of paramedics leaving the dingy appartment one by one, heads hanging low the color drained from their faces.

And then I see Caroline storming out of the room in pure hysterics and I know for sure things will never be the same again, people are running after her trying to calm her down but there's no use. "LET GO OF ME" "NO NO, YOU SAID YOU'LL NEVER LEAVE ME AND YOU FUCKING LIED MIKE YOU FUCKING LIED TO ME !" She drops to the floor, hands shaking violently, the tears are streaming down her face while she keeps on saying the same sentence over and over again "you said you'll never leave"

I sit down next to her carefully studying her ,not knowing what to say as she looks up to me with the eyes that once held so much love but are now filled with nothing but pain. "They took him away, I...I couldn't even say goodbye Aud." Fresh tears stream down her face again while she's clinging to me as if her whole life depends on it. "Bring him back Aud, bring him back I can't live with this, I need him to come home and stop this pain." Silence fills the room and none of us say a thing, so I just hold her nursing the pain with my touch. "What happend to him." Harry's voice sounds pained, his face is red and I know he's trying to stay strong, for us...for Mikey.

"They said it was an overdose...they..." She takes a pause unable to go further. She puts a hand in the pocket of her tear stained jacket, her hands are shaking as she holds this little black box in her hand. "He was going to propose to me.." There's a loud bang on the wall next to us "FUCK, FUCK FUCK FUCK it wasn't supposed to be like this, why didn't I notice a fucking thing about him !" "It's not your fault Harry", her voice sounds so soft, so vulnerable, "He was this beautiful angel and life was so cruel, so god took him home again."

Jeanne walks up to us taking Caroline with her, holding her carefully but close like a porcelain doll that can break any minute, leaving me and Harry alone. "Why didn't I see he wasn't ready for this, I fucked this up and now he's dead." I feel his muscles relaxing under my touch while we both stare out of the window into the cruel world that made us lose more then we ever could've imagined.

"You know that's not true, nobody saw this coming." He sighs before turning around so he's facing me now, his bloodshot eyes hold so much emotions and he slowly licks his lips before speaking up again. "It should've been me, not him. He said all these things to me the day they left about how Caroline saved him and how he loved her with all he had, so he asked me if I knew what he meant and I shook my head no because I'm this fucking coward. And I know it's selfish to say right now, but I can't be like this anymore because he died and it made me realise that you need to know this before I'm gone to."

He takes a pause, slowly walking even closer to me, cupping my face with his big hands and it feels like my heart stops when he looks straight into my eyes. "I want you in my head. I want to hold you in my tightest grip. I want to exhale all of my sadness and loneliness to you. I want to breathe you in. I want you, I want you and I want you to want me to."

AN: Don't worry there will be more, I'm sorry that I killed him. X