The Black Parade

Chapter 2

   The activities of the night seemed to be embeded in Jimin's mind. Everyday the same tedious routine continued, now more regularly than ever. Sometimes in his own room or sometimes in Yoongi's but Jimin would be the first one to wake up only to be heartbroken again.When it's all over, he nurses his  bloody wounds up with disinfectant.These are one of those moments when he shuts down his brain only to savor the remains of the aftermath of episode. Why heal himself only to break again? It doesn't matter anymore. Jimin will let Yoongi break him over and over again so he will come back to thishellhole and play with his demon.Because he doesn't want any other hand to touch him except for his. Only Yoongi is allowed to go in his  head and his empty heart and no one else. Jimiis willing to play this  game of sinning as long it's Yoongi; the game master. 

Said game master sits with his back leaning against the headboard, inhaling smoke after smoke into his system because he needs something to keep Jimin there in his lungs. Cigarettes always manage to trap him in for a few days. The alcohol too, and he needs one right now. He's slipping away with every breath he exhales. He needs Jimin to get him out of the murky water of his own hatred of himself and his insecurities. He needs him to breathe. Not for him but maybe for Jimin himself.Theyhave both showed their demons inside them to each other from the very firsttime they met. They don't know many things about each other, how reality is to each of them, but they know each other's deepest secrets and most painful memories, happiness a fading memory in their dusty,crooked brain. He thinks it's okay, that it's fine. Oh, if only he knew. Yonngi knows why Jimin thinks it's okay. Thinks that they both need it. It,s simple yet disgusting. Jimin pities him. Feels sorry for him. He probably thinks yoongi is a pathetic, loser , loner running around and barely living. 'But you are' he bitterly thinks. But should that matter to Jimin? No. He may be worthless but he knows he shouldn't get any form of emotion from the small boy. He can't. Not now and not him. Of all people. Jimin, who is all smiles and soft curves cannot pity him. He doesn't need pity. Yoongi hates that word. It makes him feel  weak, incompitent. Who does Park Jimin think he is? Trying to pity a piece of shit like him. He doesn't deserve any of it. And now Yoongi feels sick. Sick of life, sick of this game, sick of Jimin. He doesn't get how Jimin could care for him. Jimin has so much potential to do so much more rather than rot as a whore. But doesn't take the goddamn risk. And yoongi is angry for throwing away his life like that, when he himself had to burn away his dream. All his music sheets and piano notes down to ashes. Yes believe it or not but even Min Yoongi had dreams. It all sounds so far away now. But Jimin can build up his own life, unlike him. For he was never brave enough to do so. With these thoughts swimming in his mind and the smoke making him hazy,,,sleep comes to his as smooth as a kidney stone.

 Park Jimin isn't an idiot. Yet here he lies completely naked and alone. There's a small, almost unnoticeable defeated slump that only his eyes can see. Only his eyes are bothered to look past Yoongi's fierce façade and rough words... But in the end, they're just two battered souls with no hope in front of them. His whole body hurts, so fucking much. But he doesn't cry out in pain. He doesn't have to. The pain in his lower body is the one that curls his toes to make him moan in joy. He likes that pain. The pain he hates, utterly hates and loathes is the one residing in his heart. He knows this isn't right, he knows he should have backed out when he had the chance. When he was given the chance. Before he had fallen too deep into this bottomless pit. A few months ago he could have crawled out, climbed out, he would have had help too. But he stayed, and accepted his fate. Yoongi used to be a man of poetry and beautifully crafted melodies, he once heard. It's funny how all he can tell him is how much a pitiful excuse of a human being Jimin is from the moment they met. His hands overlap one another, intertwining his own fingers and pretending like he always does.

That Min Yoongi loves him too. And now there is no going back. No saving.But he wants to. God, he wants to save him,  wants Yoongi to save him in return. Is it too much to ask?