The Black Parade

Chapter 9

Seokjin stares at the dark liquid swirling in front of him. The scent of his usual morning coffee doesn't reach his nose today as he just stands by the counter, the small metal spoon used to stir the coffee now lying abandoned next to the cup. For the first time, Seokjin had to leave his clinic alone, because he couldn't bring himself to leave Namjoon alone in the apartment, and now the entire apartment had fallen into a state of almost eerie silence.

Just a day ago, Namjoon had gone to work, dressed in a crisp white shirt and a pair of black slacks, a sort of a uniform he wore every time he had to go to the station. And as always, he had kissed Seokjin before going to work, and Seokjin had told the man to be careful.

But now, despite it being a weekday, Namjoon is still in the apartment.

The man had come out of their bedroom to eat breakfast. He even smiled and laughed at what jin had said, but Seokjin knew that it was all an act. They may have been convincing for a time, but not  anymore. How could he miss the look of anguish in the other man's face.

When Seokjin came back from a meeting, Namjoon was back in the bedroom, staring off into space as he sat still on his side of the bed. Seokjin had watched for a bit, unable to come up with words of consolation, before retreating to the kitchen to find something, anything, to do to keep himself from losing his mind.

Seokjin doesn't even know why he made coffee, considering he has no intention of drinking any of it. In fact, he doesn't think he can stomach even an ounce of water at this point, but he had to do something.

He knows how much pride Kim Namjoon felt as a captain of his station. The man was as dedicated as he was righteous, and his men had looked up to him for it. And now, it was all taken away from him because he wasn't powerful enough to go against a small army of corrupt men. When something happened to one of his own, Namjoon took it very personally. By nature, he had a tendency to delve into self-deprecation and guilt even when the fault did not lie in him...so the man was probably slowly killing himself inside right now, asking himself questions which cannot be answered.

Seokjin stares at the dark liquid for one more minute before letting it wash down the sink.

Joon, you need to eat."

Namjoon turns his head around slowly to find Seokjin standing only a few inches away from him, his eyes watching him carefully. Wordlessly, the former captain glances at the small clock on the nightstand and is surprised to see that it's already nearing midnight.

The past couple days have been a blur for Namjoon. He had smiled as if on auto pilot. Listened to his husband speaking to him without remembering a single word of it. They had dinner, but he had lied and said he wasn't feeling well, leaving his food untouched.

Seokjin had watched him warily but had remained quiet. He gave Namjoon a long hug, telling his lover to feel better soon, and Namjoon, despite his promise to himself to not lie to his own spouse, lies and tells him he's feeling better already.
Namjoon can't remember the last time he had felt so...empty.

It had felt like standing in front of a wall so tall and wide that he could no longer see past it or even fathom climbing over it. It had felt as if the world had turned its back on him. And now the wall was back and everything was crashing down.

For the longest time, he had molded himself into a lover jin would be proud of. He wanted to show his lover to stay strong in the face of adversaries and to remain loyal to all he loved and cared about. That was the kind of person he wanted to be for Seokjin...but now, he only feels like a naive fool. What had he been thinking, thinking that he could fight for justice in a system so flawed. Who was he fooling when he told himself that he'd fight for his men no matter what. Right now, he's nothing more than....nothing. And the sense of defeat has permeated through his body, rendering him to no more than just sit and stare into nothing. Namjoon lets the sound from the TV to drown him. He sits still on his couch, barely any light shedding in the living room, save for the flickering ones coming from the screen in front of him.

Suspended indefinitely.

He should feel angry. He should be fuming, throwing things around the apartment or plotting some kind of a revenge, but instead, he finds himself just watching the world around him burn slowly.  He watches the rapid images flashing across from him. A young woman is being interviewed about the recent raise in the cost of electricity. Then it cuts, and the familiar 9 o'clock news anchor comes back on to make a transition to the next piece of news.

The scene cuts to men in suits walking outside a building, with journalists clamoring to ask questions and flash photography almost blinding the camera's view. Yoongi keeps a blank expression as he watches the bright burst of colors, and then he suddenly feels his entire gut lurching towards the ground as he takes in a face that he had tried so hard to erase from his mind. But then again. How could he possibly do that.

"-Congressman Kim has officially announced his candidacy in the upcoming election. Members of the-"

He stares in silence. Again, he should be angry. He should be turning the TV off immediately, because just seeing the man's face should make him feel sick to the stomach. Yet it doesn't. He feels completely detached to the entire situation as if he's never known the man. As if the man hadn't ruined his family and forced him to leave.
He is about to force shut his brain off and catch up on some sleep when he hears the door knock. A part of him immediately jumps to the conclusion that perhaps Seokjin has come back from his clinic, so he rushes towards the door and swings it open, ready to finally speak and explain everything, even if it means that he's going to fumble in the beginning. Only to come face to face with a face cut much resembling yoongis.
"Hello. I Don't think we have met before. Im lee Jihoon. Nice to meet you. May I come in?" the man politely asks, a small satisfied smile on his serene face.
Namjoon stares at him, confused,  yet face laced with curiosity.  He says
"No I dont think Yoongi has a brother. Not that i know of."
"No i assure u he does. Now. Shall we talk?"