My Story

It's More Than a Chat Now: It's a Problem

You know what I hate the most?
Asking for help.

I know that needing help is okay, but I hate bothering people. Especially if the task can be done by myself. I think I'm pretty independent with a few exceptions.
There's one area in my life I shouldn't feel guilty asking for something: my mental health.

If someone asked me if they should choose an option that includes the price of their mental health or another person's feelings, my answer will always be to prioritize the stability of one's mental health. But for me, I make that my last priority, sadly enough. I try to make sure my friends are happy and okay, then I take care of myself last.

I know doing that isn't good for me, but I despise asking for people's time to listen to me ramble about something that honestly does not matter. People continuously tell me that I can come to them if I want to talk. I thank them, knowing that I can do that because that's what friends are for. But I also have that guilt inside because I terrified of wasting their precious time they could be using for something more important.

This week I texted a Crisis Hotline for an issue that messed up half of my week. I'm okay now.

Honestly, I know I can't save myself from mental destruction. I've tried that already. Sometime before the end of the year, I'll be seeing a therapist. Hopefully, that works for me.

Life Updates:
-I haven't cut in two months. It seems so minor, but I'm proud of that.
-I'm now in high school. So far it's going well. I don't have friends per say, they're mostly acquaintances. So... I'm usually by myself,which I don't mind...

Yeah no that was a lie.
I like being around people just to feel safe and I don't have a group to do that yet. Plus it doesn't help me get better mentally.

-I still have my wonderful girlfriend to fall back on when things get bad.❤️
-I draw more often to combat anxiety and the depressing thoughts that will come uninvited to my mental party

I think that's it for now. Saturday,I got my hair done and now I have a headache. Nothing bad happened so I guess it was a pretty good day. I'll sign off here and go to bed now.

Goodnight!