Let Me Love You Again (Lesbian Story)

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty:

Ellie's Pov:

All over again

“It seems like you know yourself pretty well and have thought a bunch about what you would like to talk about here. People who show up here have courage galore, perhaps even a tad bit of exasperation. If you don’t mind, I’m going to ask you some questions, and take notes about what you say so I can keep it fresh in my memory. Oh, and feel free to interrupt me at any time or steer the conversation to where you need it to go. In your mind, what brings you here today?”

We had been sitting there for an hour. Her basically examining.

I stared at the lady on the couch in front of me. She looked around forty and had dark black hair and grey eyes that sparkled with maturity; her smile calming me.

"I tried to commit suicide not too long ago. My parents begged me to come today and it eventually got annoying so I gave in." I said honestly.

She nodded as she started to write something on the paper that rested on the clipboard in her hand.

"Have you ever seen a counselor before?" She asked. "I went and saw the guidance counselor when I was getting bullied for having red hair in fourth grade." I answered. "How did you handle that bullying situation?"

I watched as she wrote something else.

"Threw my first punch. End of story." I said. She stopped writing, giving me a smile that calmed my re growing nervousness.

I looked away from her as the familiar scratching sound came back.

The only light that shined through was the sunlight that came in from the large window behind her. I ran my eyes along the long bookshelves that were nearest to her desk and studied the painting above an expensive looking table that I couldn't quite understand.

"My mom says you're familiar with depression and suicidal people, but I'm not suicidal." She looked up finally. "Then why did you attempt?" She questioned.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I wasn't thinking."

She quickly jotted something down before popping another question. "How do you see the problem? What causes it?"

"I see it as regret, sadness, pain, memories..." I sighed. "I cause it. I mess up things for myself."

I stared down at the cactus plant that sat on the table in front of us. It stood up proudly in its bright orange flower pot; it's thorns nice and sharp.

"How would you describe your personality?" She asked me.

"Impulsive, rash, lovable, playful, manipulative-" She stopped me. "What do you mean by manipulative?"

We sat there as silence started to fill the room.

"I would convince girls to let me get into their pants, to give me their virginity, to drink, to come home with me." I sighed. "Then after I had sex with them id leave for awhile and come back whenever I wanted more...talk my way back into their hearts...then id leave again and repeate it all until I got tired of them."

She slowly nodded. "Do you feel comfortable with this subject?" I gave the same nod. "But could you turn that off?" I asked her, looking down at the recorder that stood next to the flower pot; the bright red light shining every few moments.

She leaned forward, pressing the stop button then settling back into the overly comfortable couch.

"Who was the first person you've done this...cycle to?" She asked. "Her name was Landon and we went to camp together and shared a cabin...man, she was amazing." I answered her, watching her relaxing smile grow.