Hanging by a Thread

Depression.

What if depression was just another lonely person? Maybe it doesn't mean to hurt us, maybe it doesn't mean to isolate us. Maybe it's just looking for someone to accept it, just the way we are. It's just trying to find a friend, to stop being so lonely.

For the sake of the idea, let's make depression male. He can be female in your mind, if you want him to be, but just for the sake of the idea I'll make him male.

Depression could just come to us for company. But when he sees us saddened in its company, he feels sad too. Unknowingly, his sadness makes us feel worse, to the point that we hurt ourselves. Depression is shocked. He never expected us to feel so bad about his company that we'd take it out physically. Since we can't take it out on something invisible, we take it out on the nearest solid thing - us.

He realises then, what he's done. He thinks that he's a monster. He tries so hard to try and stop you, but when his very presence is what makes you like this, what can he do? So he goes away for a while, knowing that it's the best for you. He selflessly gives you up. But then he realises that he can't let go of you, you mean too much to him. He needs you. He stays away for as long as he can, but he just can't take it. He returns, and this makes you relapse. You hate his company so much, that as soon as he's back with you again, you hate it.

He wants to go, but he can't let go. He can't leave you. So he encourages you to leave him. He thinks he is a monster. Sometimes, he finds someone strong enough that he whispers a few words and they gradually become stronger, and they leave him behind. Later on in life, they thank him. They thank him for being there, even though it was a horrible experience for them. They thank him for making them strong.

But there are others he can't free from himself so easily. He made one mistake; he left it too late to retreat. He screams and yells at these people to leave him, but they can't. So he takes them in a different direction, one that will definitely make them leave him. He pushes to the edge of a cliff, he forces the pills into their mouths, he raises the gun in their hands to their heads, he hangs the noose for them. But this is not an act of cruelty. He is trying to save them from himself.

But he makes the same mistake again and again, he keeps hoping that his companion is strong.

If we're allowed to make the same mistake again and again, and still be forgiven, why can't he?

If we're allowed to stay till it's too late to retreat, and still be forgiven for it, why can't he?

If we're allowed to return to the people we need, and be accepted without them repulsing our very presence, why can't he?

If we think we're monsters, and we have people to tell us otherwise, why can't he have someone?

If we're allowed to separate ourselves from someone because we think we're not good enough for them, why can't he?

If we're allowed to feel sad because someone doesn't like us, why can't he?

I guess humans and depression aren't really all that different.

A/N:

I realise that depression is not really like human nature, and nor are the things I've written in any way in support of depression. I just thought it would be interesting to hear from Depression's point of view as if it were a person. Neither do I view Depression generally as a male (I don't even picture it as a person), nor do I feel like Depression is a good experience. Please remember that these are just ideas.

And yes, I do know that Depression doesn't have a capital letter. I just think it seems right to use a capital letter sometimes in this context.