Sing Me to Sleep

XI: It's Complicated

"What did you just say?" Jin speaks almost by instinct. Turns around on the bed. Taehyung looks at him with big eyes, Jin almost feels his heart quickening. "Don't" Tae repeats, his voice is whispery right now. As if scared of Jin's reaction. "Don't marry her, I see it in your eyes, you are not happy" He speaks with a little more determination now and Seokjin startles. Moves a little away from Taehyung. "You don't know me enough to say that, Taehyung. You don't know" he defends and maybe is too blunt and maybe is too abrupt. Taehyung knows better.

"Are you then? Are you happy?" Tae asks, he looks straight into Jin's eyes and the action makes Seokjin's inside tremble. His walls start crumbling, he feels sort of trapped because in all honesty. He doesn't have an answer. Taehyung gives him time, silence building between them, somewhere in between uncomfortable and dangerous. He remains quiet, waiting for something that he shouldn't be expecting. "Jin- hyung, you were happy, you wouldn't be here and you wouldn't kiss me. You wouldn't hold me so tight" Taehyung says, he hits the nail on the head. Seokjin can't explain what it is but Taehyung has a sort of heavy pull on him. Jin feels driven by him in a way he didn't know he could feel for someone. It was intense and a bit frightening, but quite prominent. "Is not that I am not happy" he words out, his voice is a bit shaky. "Is that you are enticing, Taehyung. You're really attractive" he kind of confesses. Is not everything he feels but it is a start. 

Taehyung blushes, a little smile draws on his face and for a second he doesn't look like the sexy beast from the photoshoots or the pocket pictures. He looks cute, endearing. Jin has to do his best effort not to lean and kiss him. "I like you hyung" Taehyung says, his cheeks crimson red under the yellow light of the lamp. "I really like you and if I can't have you that's okay but I at least want you to be happy and you are not happy with her. You are not" Taehyung says, quietly but determined. He knows is the truth. "Is complicated" is what Jin has to offer. "It shouldn't be, not when you are about to marry someone" Taehyung says and he is right but is not exactly what Jin means.

"No, Tae. I mean is complicated to just break off an engagement. I made a promise to her, to her family, to my own family, to me. I can't just call it off" Seokjin's point is valid. Really valid, if Tae must admit but he wants this, wants Jin so much that he can almost say, he doesn't care. "Is that promise worth your life, hyung? Your happiness?" Is a heavy question on matters that Taehyung shouldn't be intruding. But he does, because he meant what he said. He wants Jin to be happy, even if it's not with him, even if he really has to let go. He would, but with the guarantee of Seokjin having the life he deserves.

"I'm not sure, I always do what is right" Seokjin says, Taehyung catches that phrase and is enough for him to try a different approach. "When was the last time you did something just because you wanted to?" He asks, Jin sighs a little. "A few minutes ago when I kissed you" that's not the answer Taehyung was expecting, but it is even better. "You like me too" he says more than asks and Seokjin is too much of a grown up to say otherwise, so he agrees. "Yes I do, Tae. As I said, you're really attractive and your personality is really sweet. I like you" the words leave Jin's mouth easily. Really easily. "But I shouldn't Tae and I am having a really hard time with what is going on between us, I don't know what to do" Tae nods, he can understand and respect that. "I don't want to push you into making a decision, hyung but just know, I'll always be here, even after you marry. I'll be here, waiting" Taehyung reaches for Seokjin's face, landing his palm on the elder's cheek. Seokjin closes his eyes. "That is not fair to you" he says, whispering.

"I'm used to things not being fair to me" Taehyung replies before leaning in and closing the gap between them with a kiss. He keeps it slow, calm, savoring everything Seokjin has to offer. "Are you in love with her, hyung?" Tae asks then, his lips still against Jin's. "I thought I was" Jin answers and is so heavy, but it falls right from his heart. Is so true that it almost leaks the hidden meaning in those words. I want you. I am falling in love with you. "Why hasn't she talked to you lately?" Once again, is a sensitive topic that Taehyung shouldn't be approaching but he can't possibly stay out of it. This is his, almost or not, boyfriend. This is his Seokjin, he needs to know.