Sing Me to Sleep

XIII: Guilt

Guilt is one of those things that Seokjin has never been particularly good of handling. He felt guilty when his older brother got scolded over something he had done. He felt guilty when he broke his aunt's favorite base with a baseball. He felt guilty when he didn't score the winning goal his college's team needed to win the match and he felt especially guilty when the girl group he was supposed to take care of disbanded making it a huge loss for the company and for his own self. He's felt guilty a lot of times over the course of his life and none of those times has he been able to keep it to himself, for it to only grow bigger and to end up eating him from the inside out.

Seokjin remembers having gone to his mother and telling her that he had been the one on the wrong, not his brother. He also remembers telling his aunt that he had broken her precious vase, apologizing to his team for having failed them and going to the company's CEO to take full responsibility over the fact that the girls from the group had decided to end their contracts. Seokjin has always done what was right even if it wasn't the easiest thing to do. That is probably why he always felt so trapped in everything everyone always expected from him. To be a grateful son, a good brother...a loyal husband.

On this last thing, he had already failed. Seokjin doesn't know when was the last time he felt this guilty over something. He had slept with Taehyung while away on a business trip and had cheated on his soon- to- be wife. There was no greatest dishonor and he felt guilty to no end. He didn't even have to wait too long for the feeling to grow big enough to start eating him out. That happened in a matter of minutes from the time he woke up almost naked next to Taehyung, who was supposed to be nothing else but a work partner.

Still, with all the guilt he felt inside, he also needed to acknowledge that he's never felt so happy and free. So what was a little guilt in comparison to how great he felt next to Taehyung? It wasn't much and was a lot at the same time. Thankfully, Seokjin has never been good to deal with guilt and he was tired of being the perfect boy everyone expected him to be.

That's why he now found himself here, outside Yunhee's apartment with Taehyung by his side. If he had already sinned, then he was ready to take the punishment. Especially if it meant that he will be able to sin again as many times as he liked.

So he rang the doorbell with a shaky hand and a lot of nervousness enclosed within his chest. There was no easy way of doing this but yet again, he's always known that what is right is not always what's easiest. Taehyung seems even more nervous than him, his glorious tan color now fading to white. It is kind of comical but Seokjin can't produce a single laugh. Mainly as he hears the beeping of the door as it gets unlocked from the inside. Then everything becomes too real. Yunhee opens the door slowly, frowning at the image of her fianceé who she hasn't seen- or spoken to- in three weeks.

"Seokjin?" She asks almost in disbelief just before her eyes land on Taehyung. "Kim Taehyung- ssi...what a surprise" she adds then and is awkward already but Seokjin doesn't back down. "Hi Yunhee, can- can we come in?" he inquires noticing that his tone is already getting shaky and that's not good but Seokjin knows that he's got to do this tonight. "Yeah, sure" she answers eyeing Taehyung carefully. It makes Seokjin kind of regret having brought him along. Well, he in fact hadn't intended on bringing him at all but Taehyung is a very stubborn person who wouldn't take no for an answer so at the ultimatum of "If you don't take me, I'll follow you there" Seokjin had no other choice but to bring him, with the firm promise of staying silent throughout the conversation.

The three of them walk inside the apartment, Seokjin remembers the big argument they had the last time they were here. "Do you want some water? Tea or coffee?" Yunhee asks and is oddly kind for someone who had been allegedly upset for three weeks. "No thanks" Jin responds, Yunhee turning to Taehyung who just shakes his head. Yunhee is wary, Seokjin notices and is maybe because she already has an idea of what this visit means and if she doesn't, Seokjin thinks she might imagine it.