Countrywhatever oneshots

America spills hot coffee on his dad and threatens to fuck his wife

"Leave me alone.."
Behold, I deleted the whole chapter because I was dissatisfied with it.
Yay.

Holy shit, it's 2021, time to rewrite this as a more realistic oneshot, mkay.
Warnings for slurs and weight mentions, and slight body shaming ig? None of this will be for the faint of heart. Oh, and threatened/joked about incest. I dunno man

"God fucking damnit America, don't spill your coffee. You fucking fatass, can't you do anything right?"

America blinked, and his head swiveled to look down at the voice who'd so bravely spoken up to him, and his eyes focused on a small British man, with a comically large black hat and a monocle bigger than his eye socket. It was like he was trying to seem big again, all those years ago.

It was laughable.

"Listen to me when I talk, faggot!" Britain snarled, fuming. Smoke could probably be seen pouring out his ears if one squinted hard enough. "Are you even paying attention to the meeting? Or are you daydreaming about burgers again?" America held down a snicker at the idea, as if Britain really, really thought that he liked burgers that much. Much less, McDonalds. America hummed, nonchalant.

"Hmmm, burgers." He replied, a shit-eating grin crossing his face. This seemed to drive Britain up the fucking wall, and his Union Jack became red with rage in an instant.

Britain exploded into a heated tirade, about how America was a gay disappointment (using a word I don't want to type again<\3), a fatass (again.), a loser, a diabetic leech, a disappointment, and so much more. He looked like an angry mouse compared to the wall of muscle that was the US of A.

And, bored as he was, looked in his steaming cup of coffee with a look of almost boredom, swirled it around once or twice, took as sip, then held the mug over the fussy little Brit. This sent the small man into a fit of snaps and cruel words, and America didn't hold back. He poured the steaming hot liquid onto the man, and his angered screeches became howls of agony in seconds.

"Careful man, I might just fuck your wife for you," He mused, as Britain scrambled for napkins and hissed through the heat of the scalding liquid. "She seems rather unsatisfied with you." Britain didn't respond, sulking in his seat as he continued to wipe off the hot coffee from his face and shoulders.

This satisfied America to no end.

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This was from 2019