Too High Christian Anthony Fanfiction

Ozone

(a/n: a new chapter that isn't dedicated to Phases? Interesting.. Also note, I may upload less frequently because I'm starting college tomorrow, but I'll do my best to update whenever I have free time! Also note, that this chapter is mostly a flashback to "happier times" for Diesel. Anyway, ENJOY!) 

Once Ace and I had finished breakfast, I decided to trudge back to my room for awhile. 

"Wait where are you going?" Ace's voice stopped me as I made my way towards the stairs. 

I didn't really feel like explaining myself. It took much out of me, and I was already emotionally and physically drained as is. 

"I think I'm just going to chill in my room for a little bit." I answered, doing my absolute best to not sound dead inside; A hard thing to do because I wasn't even really sure if I still felt my heart beating in my chest anymore.. 

"Oh, okay." Ace nodded slowly, a hurt expression forming on his face. 

Great. There I go again, bringing other people down. Seemed like the only thing I was good at anymore was causing pain onto others and myself. Well.. at least I was good at something then huh? 

"I'll uh, I'll come with you." Ace smiled slightly, trying his best to hide the hurt in his eyes due to thinking I didn't want to spend time with him. 

It wasn't him I didn't want to spend time with.. I didn't want to spend time with anyone if I was being honest, and if it were possible for me to not even have to be around myself, then I would do that as-well. If only I could escape my body; I'd never go back to it though if I could, and I guess that's the real issue here. 

I cringed at the thought of being around another person. The only person I even felt remotely okay with being around right now had more than likely already left the state. God he had probably already forgotten about me hadn't he? Fuck why did it even matter in the first place? I hardly knew the guy, and yet here I was feeling lost without him. 

"Oh uh, no that's alright." I spoke softly, fearing the words as they left my mouth. 

I wasn't acting like myself. I hadn't been in too long of a time, but last night I had gotten a taste of who I used to be, and I liked it. Missed it even. But then it was gone, and I'd never get it back.

"I kind of just feel like being alone right now anyway." 

Ace searched my eyes; He knew I was acting strange, and I couldn't blame him for being concerned. I just wanted to get away.

"Alright." Ace sighed, giving up on questioning me further. 

I mentally thanked him for that. I couldn't argue with him, and I'd just end up giving in or loosing my cool. I didn't want to do either of those things, but I felt as if I was on auto pilot, no control what-so-ever. 

"I'll come check up on you later then?"

I nodded.

"I love you." Ace offered, his words making me cringe again. That word. A bitter word with such bitter emotions. I had to keep myself from falling apart right where I stood. I couldn't. No, I wouldn't fall apart. I refused. 

"I l-love you too." I managed to choke out the words. It physically pained me saying them out loud, because all I could think about was how happy I used to feel saying them at one point in time. 

God.. I used to be so happy. I was so naive for so long about the world. I had moved out at seventeen to move in with my then boyfriend. My parents were furious, but I hadn't a single care in the world. I was happy. I was so happy for three years after that too... then everything changed. I learned fast that happiness doesn't last forever. You need to protect yourself so you don't get hurt.. but I had forgotten that last night when I was in Christian's arms.