The Best You Ever Had

We Ran

We checked out three acts the next day, trying to distract me from the long wait to see Brian. I took about a million selfies with fans, and got snapped by just as many professional photographers. I didn't bother trying to hide. I wanted to enjoy myself, and nobody does that while watching a concert from behind a wall of friends or keeping a low profile behind the portable toilets. 

I had fun, but I kept checking my phone, hoping it was time for Brian to leave for the airport. Hoping it was time for his flight, hoping he was safe in the air. Then finally I got the text saying he was on the ground and would be with me as soon as he could. I felt like I could relax more then, but it was time to get ready for our show.

We were playing in reverse order that night, with Panic! up first, and us closing out the night. Jenny bugged me a little about going to see their show from the wings but I wanted to relax and rest my voice. And frankly, I'd told Brendon I wouldn't be there, and didn't want to give him the satisfaction of showing up anyway. I could just imagine his comments and the look on his face.

Plus there was Brian. I expected him at the hotel any time and wanted to be there when he showed up. I took my time getting changed and doing my hair and makeup for the show, but even so, he didn't show up. It was getting too close to showtime for me to stick around and wait. What could be keeping him?

I pulled out my phone and called him up.

"Hey," I said to his voicemail. "You're just gonna have to meet me backstage. I don't know what's keeping you."

Jenny and I took the same car to the festival.

"You said he wanted to talk to you, right?" she asked, ashing her cigarette out the window.

"Yeah, so it's weird that he didn't show up when he should have." 

"Good stuff or bad stuff, you think?"

"Oh, absolutely good stuff. He doesn't wait on bad stuff," I told her, checking my makeup using the camera on my phone.

"You don't think…"

"What?"

"I mean, maybe it's something really good and he got nervous…"

"Spell it out for me, tootsie, I'm not following." I was genuinely confused.

"What if he's finally planning on proposing?" she asked, poking my forehead with a calloused finger.

I blinked at her a few times before busting out into a grin. "He wouldn't. Not right before a show. You don't think?"

"I never know what to think with that man. It's just a thought that crossed my tiny little punk rock brain." She tossed her cigarette away from the car as we came to a stop near the backstage area.

"Well...if he was going to do it before, he'd better get a move on."

I was grinning. I couldn't help it. What if Jenny was right? Then again, what if she was wrong? But what could he possibly have to talk to me about that he would call a "big day" like he had on the phone when we'd spoken?

****

Brian didn't show up before the set started, but I only had a few minutes to be disappointed. Soon enough I was on the stage, under the lights, the music booming from behind me and the crowd roaring from in front of me. It was loud, and it was hot, and it was exactly where I belonged. Normally I get absorbed so completely in a show that I forget everything else, but there were butterflies in my stomach that lasted longer than my usual jitters.

I searched the sides of the stage, in the wings, hoping to see Brian's golden head, but he wasn't there. Halfway through our song "Beyond Las Vegas", I did notice a very different man, though. And he was singing along.