Syrtis

XII

May 3rd, 2018
Friday, 7:43Pm

The article sat before her on her laptop, which was halfway on top of the yellow notebook that she used to jot her points down at the protest. It was finished, but needed a little more editing. She was on the floor of Amin's bedroom, the guilt struggling to overpower her with every key stroke. But she was determined. The protest was still fresh in her mind, and the countless testimonies of how the young women had been treated made her decision final. She was going to do everything possible to get the article printed.

It wasn't going to be easy, she knew the consequences of her pending actions would be severe but she couldn't seem to care. The protest was still on, but she left so that she could finish the article on the floor of the man who she was adamant on betraying.

"I need a drink," she muttered and closed the head of the laptop, sighing. The cold floor against her thighs was a welcomed distraction even when it didn't help much. He was going to be home at any moment and she wasn't ready to see him. After Monday, he was going to hate the sight of her. It seemed a bit unreal that all she had was a weekend before everything went wrong.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the phone ringing on the floor beside her. She stood up, taking the phone with her. That drink suddenly seemed necessary. "Hello?"

"Jessica? It's D."

"Oh, hey Aladdin." She smiled when he laughed and got the Merlot bottle out of the fridge. "Are you okay?"

"I'm not sure...tired from all the movement. I just got home from the protest. It's on, but I have work tomorrow."

Her hand stilled on the glass that sat on the countertop. "You were there? I didn't see you." She poured the wine tentatively.

"But I saw you. You didn't stay very long though."

"Yeah...just went to cover for the paper a little bit. Can we not...you know, not talk about it? I'm really tired." The red liquid sloshed around in the glass as her trembling hands lifted to her lips.

"Jessica. Are you okay...?" His voice was full of concern but all it did was make her feel awful.

"No. I can't talk, I'm sorry. I have to go."

"Maybe I can help—"

She ended the call and drank the wine, draining every last drop from the glass before placing it on the counter. It burned on its way down but it wasn't enough.

She wanted to run.

She wanted to stay, be in his arms and forget everything else.

She wanted to delete the article and follow instructions.

She wanted to drink until she couldn't feel her thoughts.

The sob escaped her lips before she realized she was crying. Her hand hit the glass and it fell on the counter and rolled over, shattering on the floor. The sound sobered her up a little, and she did a careless swipe at her face with her palms and squatted to clean up the mess.

"Babe. What the..? What happened in here?" Amin's voice reached her ears before his hands settled on her shoulders. "Did you cut yourself?"

"I-I didn't mean to, I was just here...it wasn't on purpose, I'm really s-sorry," she clung to him as he led her away from the glass shards that surrounded them.

"It's just glass, Jess. Are you...crying? Why are you crying? What happened?" He tried to get her to look at him, but she couldn't. The tears kept pouring out and she could barely see anything. She hugged him and cried her eyes out. His presence sealed her guilt, it made everything clear; brought it into focus. She was going to lose him and there was nothing she could do about it.