Sensitive

....I Shatter

I pull up to the dance studio and stare at the sign 'Grace', I love that word it sounds so elegant....so free. I can't help the smile that presses against my salty cheeks. My fingers switch off the ignition and I step out of the car. The parking lot is empty and the lights inside are off, like they have been for years. Grace used to be my sisters dance studio. But when she got married and moved on to bigger and better things she left it behind.

She always complained that it was too small or that it reeked of mold and dust. But I always loved its size and the smell gave me a taste of a home away from home so she left it to me. "It's practically yours anyways, sis. You named it and you defend it like it's your baby. Everything is paid for, you just have to keep up with the maintenance while I'm gone." She smiled at me with concern and a tear slipped her eye before she hugged me and then she drove off, leaving me in the parking lot with the keys dangling in my hand.

That memory alone pulls at my heart strings and makes me miss her. She was my best friend when all of this started and now I only have my mom. I shake the nostalgia away and open the trunk to grab my duffle bag. Its a short walk to the entrance and the fresh scent of Fall approaching surrounds me. I unlock the squeaky door and enter the lobby area. Well, it used to be a lobby area now it just has a built-in wrap around desk in front of the doorway that has been there since I can remember. The desk top has a thick line of dust on it now and there's papers scattered over it. There also used to be seats that my sister put in here so that waiting parents or dancers could sit. But they now lounge in the back room lined with cobwebs.

I put those things away because this is my place and any reminder that this place was once shared with outsiders was put away, out of sight. Yes, that may sound strange. But I had to do it because it was almost like those things still retained what once was in them and I couldn't stand it. It got to the point that my safe place became another horror film. So I had to put them away, even though it felt like I was erasing the memory of what my sister accomplished here.

I take a deep breath and look into the double sided mirror behind the desk that gave a good view into the dance studio. That's where I itched to be but first I have to get out of these clothes. I make my way to the door in the opposite corner of the desk and open it. Dust particles fly everywhere making me sneeze a few times, but that makes me smile. I reach for the light switch and flip it on while closing the door behind me. The duffle bag drops to the ground and I begin to undress, discarding the remnants of earlier today. I change into a pair of black leggings, a sports bra and an old T-shirt with the sleeves cut off all the way down the waist that was kept together by little knots at the hem.

My bare feet felt cold against the hard tile as I padded over to the sink. In the mirror, I saw a ghost. The girl in the mirror gave me goosebumps and as a way to avoid eye contact with her, my eyes scanned over the white fabric of the T-shirt. In pin-up calligraphy there were the words 'Trust No One'. I smirk, "Words to live by."  

I huff with frustration and take my iPod out of the side pocket of my duffle bag and gingerly walk to the studio. I enter through the door next to the changing room and feel the glossy wooden floors beneath my feet. The swing door swishes behind me before it comes to a complete stop, shutting me out from the world. I spot the iHome sitting on a plastic chair, the way I left it, my brain turns off the sounds of the outside world. It is just me and this room, no one to judge me, no one to tell me all the things I'm doing wrong, or that I can't possibly be in so much pain.

The reality is, that me being here, doing what I am about to is a very bad idea but something in me needs this. It needs to stretch out, like a bird that broke it's wing. It may not be able to feel the wind in its feathers anymore, but it will never forget how to fly.

The music bursts through the speakers, making the floor rumble. The vibrations course up my feet and to my spine. A sense of relief and fear hit me all at once and before they overwhelm me I commence, letting the sounds take me somewhere raw, deep inside my mind. I spin and leap, I bend and contort all in the name of freedom. The violins sway my hips and the drums turn me into something animalistic with a burning hunger. My throat rattles with grunts and howls that plead for a release. The mirrors lining the room catch every moment like a camera, frame by frame.

And then I feel it, almost like a switch, my muscles retract and my body gives way. A blood curdling scream escapes me and I'm left in a heap on the cold, hard ground. Tears spill over and I curse the heavens for the hell they have blessed me with. The music comes to a spinning halt, like it has heard my cry for help. My head is spinning from the pain and all I manage is a cynical laugh through muffled tears.

After a while the thrumming in my ears subside and the pulsating waves of pain throughout my body begin to lessen. I curl up in a ball and hold my knees to my chest, "It's okay...you're going to be okay." I repeat over and over and over into the thin fabric covering my knees. 

~~~~~

Hi guys!!! I told you there would be another update very soon :P I hope you enjoy this chapter because I just couldn't wait to share with you :)