What's Up, Danger?

Silent Scream

Jaime Georges

I ran.

Ran like hell.

No particular destination in mind; a thousand and one thoughts bounced around in my skull. But one stood out the most.

'Why?'

Why did he have to notice me? Why wasn't I paying attention? Why did I suddenly lose all strength in my body when he held me? Why did he have to look at that same lovesick gaze from when we were together? Why did he have to say he misses me? Why did he have to kiss me? Why was I weak to respond for those few moments? Why...why...why?!

I allowed my legs to give out beneath me, gasping for breath. I looked at my surroundings and realized I was near the back of the football field's bleachers. Stumbling over to hide from any eyes that could be around, I curled into myself. Messy tear streaks ran down my cheeks, most like ruining the makeup I had spent 15 minutes doing.

'Fuck it, it's not like I do a damn cat-eye later.'

Through my tears, I couldn't help but laugh softly to myself.

"To think on my birthday, when I cried, I had Nathan to comfort me... Now he's a reason behind my tears," I hiccuped softly. My laughter drowned out my heart-wrenching sobs. I tried to calm myself down, practicing the breathing techniques my therapist taught me. But clearly, it wasn't working...

Memories were playing vividly in my mind. To the point they almost felt real...

The feeling of strong arms around my waist. The sound of a deep chuckle rang in my ears. The sight of a bright, boyish smile. The feeling of a soft pair of lips pressing against my neck, jaw, cheek, forehead, lips...

Then that damn voice of his...

'C'mon baby, I miss you. It's just the two of us...'

'Please, baby girl, I just wanna please you...'

'Let me worship you like the queen that you are...'

'I promise I'll be gentle...'

'You don't have anything to be scared about. It's just me, baby girl...'

'Come on, don't you love me?'

'Then, if you love me, let's do this...'

I felt it.

Fingers exploring my body. Slightly rough fingertips brushing against my skin. Kisses, licks, and gentle bites branded me. The involuntary shivers washed over my body. Soft noises of pleasure erupted from my throat.

All while my mind was screaming.

Screaming to push him away. To push him off of my bed. To push him out my window or my front door.

But I couldn't seem to do any of it.

Soon the sensations turned violent. My hair being pulled by to keep me from running. The burn from the lashes on my back soon spread all over my body. Punches, slaps, kicks...

Shouts in their mother tongue grated against my eardrums. Words I don't remember enough but I didn't need to know what they were saying because I knew them. I know what they would say, how they would see me, what they'll call me.

A whore. A slut. An ungrateful child who wants to degrade herself. A disgrace. A castaway 17-year mother-to-be.

My throat became raw with yells. Screams of pain, hurt, anger, and helplessness. Cries for anybody to come to help me.