Broken Hearts//Grayson Dolan fan-fiction.

5. Selfish?

I told Kassidi to go and leave me alone,because I wasn't in a mood for speaking to anyone and especially her.Yes even though she is one of my close friends,she can be annoying and when I am annoyed I became ruthless with my words.

Sometimes when I'm annoyed very much I became angry and I don't think what I may say,so it's better if I'm left alone.

I still had some time before the break was over and even though leaving school territory wasn't a good idea,I still snook out and went to the closest supermarket,I needed to smoke.

'How can I help you Miss?'A girl about my age or a bit older asked me.

'Um can I get one pack of red Marlboro?'I asked and she gave me a concerned look.

'How old are you?'

'I know I seem young but I'm 18 I promise.'I calmly lied to her and even though she didn't seem to believe it she still gave me the pack so I payed and quickly left the supermarket and got back to school.

There was a place on our school territory,it was behind the stadium and nobody really went there because it was a bit scary,but that was just some rumors so I often came here to sit and think.

So I pulled out my pack of cigarettes and started smoking.I didn't expect it to feel this good,I haven't smoked in a while.I mean I never used to be an active smoker but I did smoke quite a few here and there,sometimes when I drank.

I smoked one and decided to smoke another and as I was pulling out another cigarette I heard a familiar chuckle and turned my head to the direction where it came from and saw the least person I expected to see.

'Since when do you smoke?'Said Ethan.

'Since when do you care?'

'Who told you I do?Just asking.'He shrugged and took a seat on an old bench in front of me.

'Who told you you could sit?'I lifted a brow.

'It's not like I needed your permission or anything.'

'Whatever Ethan.'I muttered and let the smoke out of my lungs.

I always had a better relationship with Ethan because he's more civil out of the two,but we still didn't talk much,you know what I mean.

'Why aren't you in class Lexi?'He calls me with my nickname.

'The break's not over yet smartass.'I shake my head.

'No you idiot look at the time.'He says and laughs loudly,I take out my phone from my pocket to see that it's already 3pm and lunch break is over,I look shocked because I didn't realize how the time passed.

'Fuck I must have lost the track of time.'I mutter under my breath.

'Yes you clearly have,which makes me ask you,is everything all right?'He asks me with a bit of a concern in his voice.

'Um,sure..You're also missing the class,aren't you?'I come to just realize that we are supposed to be sitting in a same class right now.

'Damn straight.'He smirks.

'But then again,I always do.'He adds.

'Yeah yeah,not like you care about your education anymore huh?'I say in a hint of sarcasm.

'Now what's that supposed to mean Alexis?'He narrows his eyes.

'You know,when we were younger you always had the homework,always cared about what you had to study,you were more responsible and now..Look at you.'I tell him and he doesn't say a word,maybe I was a bit too harsh?

'Yeah I guess..'He mumbles and looks away.

I really wanna ask him if anything has happened but we don't have the same kind of relationship we used to,and I know you don't need to have any certain type of relationship with anyone to simply ask how they're feeling,but I know Ethan and I just know it's not my place to ask things like that.If he wanted me to know something he would have told me.

'It's cool,I guess it comes with growing up.'I add and smile,trying to make the conversation a bit less tense.

'Whatever,I gotta go,nice talking to you.'He says and leaves quietly.

As much as this kid worries me,I can't run after him and ask questions,as I've said before,not my place.
Then again,so does his brother,I mean he worries me too..But I can't let The Dolans mess with my mental health like that can I?

I mean who the fuck are they after all?I mean we have history,but you can't dwell on the fact that you have a history with someone and act from it.It's logical to think that I don't owe them shit,after all I'm not friends with any of them.

I know I sound like a cold hearted bitch,but maybe I am?Sometimes you have to be that 'cold hearted bitch' in order to find peace within yourself and do what's best for you.Maybe we all have to be a little selfish in order to make the best version of ourselves?

I think a lot about that,how to become the best version of myself and only answers I have so far is that you either have to be selfish or you really gotta love yourself and when you do love yourself you are lowkey selfish.

I finally stand up and climb out from my head and thoughts,I save the rest of the cigarettes in one of the darkest pockets of my bag,so nobody finds it and take a piece of gum and start chewing it.