we'll see the colours soon ; onew x taemin

one

he wasn't sure whether if be happy or not the moment he was told he would have been tutored by a new doctor. he honestly was so familiar with being beaten up that he could not tell if that was a good new or not. yes, of course being abused by your nurse isn't the greatest thing on this planet, but the thought of being a burden and deserving to suffer slowly built up in jinki while he was recovering at the hospital. he didn't think he deserved to be happy or whatever, he just accepted to be treated like the bad person he was. however, the nurse was fired, so a new doctor took her place. he didn't get that much of information (also because he wasn't that interested, not that he was thinking someone could help him anyway, at this point) but as far as he was been told the new doctor, lee taemin, was a few years younger than him, and he was supposed to be a good one, since "he needs the best of, because we tried everything with him and nothing worked", doctors said just like jinki couldn't hear them.

it was a sunny yet cold winter morning, jinki was sitting on his bed, looking out of the window spacing out as always. sometimes he had so much in his head to the point he couldn't think of something in particular. thoughts of thousands of things were navigating in his mind, nothing seemed to be clear enough for him to be focused on tho. he just let his mind space out, empty eyes gazing on the little garden out of window, the sound of his messy mind deafening him.

a sudden knock made him snap a little, turning around just to see the door opening after he mumbled a soft "open".
a tall, skinny figure entered the little room, with his white straight hair not being unnoticed by jinki. when the man looked at him straight in the eyes, a soft and warm smile spread on his lips, dark little eyes curved just as his white cheekbones.
-"im lee taemin, you're jinki right?" the man came to him, still looking into jinki's eyes with that smile that jinki found so unusual to be seen on a doctor's face, especially on one of his doctor.
he nodded in silence, feeling too awkward to speak. taemin still managed to smile and he asked if he could sit on the wood chair in front of jinki's bed. he nodded again, and so taemin did.
"so, as you may have heard im your new doctor." curious, jinki thought while looking at his fit. he was wearing a soft oversized pink sweater and tight black jeans with black convers. he had never seen a doctor coming to work dressed like that, yet he figured out to look good anyway. jinki tried to make that thought go away.
-"yeah, other told me you're the best of." jinki said with a calm tone, not feeling too bothered by taemin's presence, yet still asking himself why would he be in that goddamn hospital if nothing seemed to help.
taemin let out a sonore laugh, making jinki frown at how much happy taemin looked. seriously, how can u be that happy in a psychiatric hospital?
-"well, they sure except big things from me. i can just say i have that much of experience to be called a great doctor, i think." what a narcissistic jinki thought, but didn't say. he was still looking at taemin's face with no emotions on his.
"okay, so, we'll begin the sessions tomorrow, mh? every day unless sundays at 10 am, sound appetising to you?"
-"appetising is a big word, doctor" taemin laughed again, keeping smiling at the other one.
-"yes yes, sorry. i meant if that's okay or if you prefer starting at another time." jinki found somewhat cute the fact that taemin didn't get his ironic tone.
-"i was kidding, 10 am is okay." he replied and the doctor smiled again standing up on his long legs.
-"well, see you tomorrow then." and with that, taemin left the room, leaving jinki with a sudden weird feeling on his chest.
but seriously, he started frowning, how can he be that happy to work at this hell of a place.
he let out a deep breath, standing up and leaving the room, heading to the canteen to have a not so decent breakfast. as always.

so, it finally was the starting day.
not so finally.
jinki wasn't excited at all at the thought of opening up again with the umpteenth doctor he had.
he sighed, waking up from his bed and going to the bathroom to wash himself, maybe it would help making the disgust he felt for himself going away, or maybe not. it was 8 in the morning and it had been 2 hours and so since he was up, he couldn't sleep more than five hours per night.
after showering, he returned to his bed, he wore his usual big hoodie and his sweatpants, throwing himself on the messy bed.
he picked up his phone, scrolling through social media, sighing and trying to relax a bit.
only when he heard a knock at his door he realised he had spent 1 damn hour on his phone, so he let out a grunt going to the door.
he opened it, facing taemin with the same smile he had yesterday.
-"good morning jinki."
-"enter." jinki didn't know why he was being so cold with everyone, but taemin didn't seem pissed off by his short answers.
the doctor sat on the same chair as yesterday, pulling out some paper sheets and a pen.
-"aren't you going to, like, check my arms?" jinki sat on his bed, frowning at the other.
taemin kept reading through the sheets.
-"guess i have to. they told me so but i honestly can't see the point of it. does that bother you?"
-"what? you checking my arms?"
-"no, me not checking your arms." jinki facial expressions screamed surprise. what is he even saying. does he realise i fucking cut myself and it's his work to check me out?
-"uhm well no. actually i don't mind. not that things will change anyway."
-"i do think the same." taemin looked at him in the eyes, smiling. jinki swore, he was so goddamn pissed by taemin's behaviour right now. it wasnt because speaking of manners he did something wrong and annoyed him, it's just.. jinki never found someone who looked deep into him that little yet still understood him and tried not to force him to do something that would freak him out. he was caring and jinki genuinely didn't know how to react, he wasn't familiar with taemin's kindness and the first spontaneous reaction at his manners was reacting cold.
-"what kind of doctor are you tho." he said without thinking much about it.
-"are you judging my skills as a doctor just because i tried to make you feel less uncomfortable? well that's very nice to be heard," taemin said, in a not so friendly tone, "if you don't know, making my patients more comfortable is part of my job too."
jinki didn't look at the doctor's eyes. he was feeling a bit guilty, but he had always have the bad habit to spoke without thinking. it was spontaneous, he didn't mean to.
-"feeling pissed and answering in this tone to your patients makes you feel a good doctor?" jinki saw taemin's face frowning, and he immediately regretted behaving like that.
-"good, seems like you keep a lot inside and you react to people spitting out poison." taemin smiled managing to keep calm, and jinki sighed.
he really didn't know how to cope with social interaction, taemin was right. it was a side of himself that he had never beard.
"so, you apparently suffer from depression and you relieve your pain cutting yourself,"
-"right." taemin suddenly stopped scribbling on his paper sheets, and looked at the other with a bright smile.
-"what's your favourite colour, jinki?" jinki didn't know how to react. he had no clue taemin was being serious, he truly thought the doctor was making fun of him or something. he still managed to answer.
-"uhm, red. i think. it's not something i think about a lot." taemin smiled again.
-"i do, i really do like colours and stuff. i cant get how people can enjoy only black or white. that's so.. minimalistic." jinki was looking at taemin with pure surprise on his face. he was almost shocked the doctor started ranting about colours and not asking him questions like "how are you? why do you hurt yourself? how did this all start?" but he was somehow glad taemin didn't press him.
"you know, i've had many patients in my life, but even a lot of my friends often say they can see just black and white. do you ever feel like this? do you ever feel like you cannot see the thousands shades in between events and things?" taemin asked again, and jinki took a bit to formulate an answer.
he deep inside enjoyed these kind of questions, and the conversation was going pretty great. he hadn't feel like panicking yet.
-"yes, i think so. there are days where i kinda feel okay, and if the smallest thing happens it drags me so down to the point that nothing can make it good again. is that what you call not seeing the shades?"
-"yes. everyone has their gloomy days, but when it comes to seeing the world in black and white i hardly doubt that just "gloomy" can exprime how someone is feeling."
-"it's more than that." jinki whispers loud enough to let taemin heard, and the doctor smiled sheepishly.
he felt like jinki had really a lot inside, and he didn't want to force him.
his priority was to make him feel comfortable enough to open up when he would be ready.
-"we're gonna see the colours soon, so don't worry." he smiled, and when jinki looked at his shiny eyes, a ghost of a smile appeared on his lips too.
"so! what's your favourite food, jinki?" and taemin began again with random questions. they kept talking and chatting and taemin kept ranting on how much he loved cats and they almost fought because jinki preferred dogs and the doctor couldn't accept it and everything felt so damn right for a moment in his life that jinki didn't figure out one hour and a half had passed.
taemin wrote a few phrases on his paper sheets for the last time and stood up, he greeted jinki and left the room.
it was only when taemin left that jinki realised how empty and silent the room looked and felt without him inside.

sorry for the long wait!!! I've been really unmotivated :((( promise I'll keep this ff up ❤️